Season 5 Who Am I? Blog 5: Freewheeling

 Freewheeling

At the end of the previous installment, I was about to go on a first date with a girl named Gabby. Before we get into the actual date, however, I need to talk about Gabby a bit. Gabby is currently in her last semester of college studying to be a music teacher. She gives private trumpet lessons and about a week before our first date, she played with her classmates at Carnegie Hall!

Originally Gabby and I planned to go ice skating. However, she finished a lesson right when the open skate started on Saturday so she asked if we could do it on Sunday. The problem was that this took place two weeks before Shane proposed to Jessica with help from me, their families, and a musician named Bill. Bill was coming on Sunday to rehearse, so I could not compromise on the day. So Gabby and I decided to go rollerblading on Saturday night instead.

I picked her up at her house and we drove to the roller rink. As soon as we pulled in, we realized our mistake. There was a line of middle/high school kids out the door. “Ugh Teeny-Boppers,” I said. Gabby laughed at my description, and we decided to still go in despite the crowd. We waited in the line for about 15 minutes before we actually got in. We spent that time “small talking” and I tried to flirt, but I think I failed pathetically.

When we finally got in we got our roller blades on, and we started skating. Now I haven’t been rollerblading since I was maybe 10 or 11. From the moment Gabby and I got on the rink something was off about the way I was skating. I just chalked it up to me being rusty.

We made it around the rink three or four times. Gabby was skating closer to the walls and I was closer to the middle of the rink. In the middle of a turn, I suddenly lost control and was barreling towards Gabby. In my mind's eye, I saw myself crash into Gabby, and hit her so hard against the wall that I broke her ribs (or something of that nature). Luckily she saw me coming and moved out of the way so that I barely touched her before I hit the wall.

“What happened!?” Gabby exclaimed.

“I have no idea!” I said.

“Maybe your straps aren’t tight enough.” She suggested. I took her advice, but even after I tightened them something still felt off; in fact, it was worse.

We skated for another 20 minutes and then decided to take a break to get a snack. As we approached the line to order, a man came up behind us. “Sir, sir,” he said to me, “you’re missing a wheel!”

I looked at my rollerblades and sure enough, the wheel on the very back of my right blade was gone. Gabby and I looked at each other and simultaneously realized that the wheel must have been loose when we started, And then it popped out when we made the turn. Without talking to her at all I walked back to get new rollerblades. I didn’t even realize what I was doing till I got back to her. I’m just so used to sitcom level shenanigans happening to me, that it’s normal for me now. And this was not the weirdest thing that happened to me that week so, I just didn't react to the situation… When I got back I saw it on Gabby's face: she realized exactly what she's in for.

Have a Greattastic day and be safe!

 J. Mitchie Ulibarri

Season 5 Who Am I? Blog 4: Don’t Over Think It

 Don’t Overthink It

Over the Fourth of July last year, Marshall, August, Aspen, Kid and I visited Arden in Colorado. While it was the best Fourth of July our group has had in years, we did have one argument…

“I’m just worried…”  Arden explained, “it feels like she’s trying to isolate you. She’s making you feel guilty for being here, she gets mad at you because we’re girls… look, if you want to keep dating her that’s your choice, but I think you're going to suffer in the long run.”

I mean, in Arden’s defense, it was a very toxic relationship. As you might know, within a month of Arden and my argument, Ishana and I broke up and by September, I got a restraining order against her. Though I was hesitant to get back into dating, my friend Noah encouraged me to “Get back out there!” Shortly before I moved out, I dipped my toe in by installing “Facebook dating” because while it's technically a dating site/app, I didn't think I was going to get any matches; because it's Facebook dating. To my surprise, within a day of installing it, I matched with a girl named Gabby.

Now Kid’s Birthday is March 7th. For the weekend of her 18th birthday this year to celebrate, Aspen and her boyfriend, James, came to town from Cincinnati. The plan was for Aspen and James to stay at Shane’s and my apartment. Kid would hang out with us on that Friday night, and after she left, the rest of us would go out to a bar. Kid showed up at 8:24, and I had just enough time to show her around my (at that point) two-week-old apartment before Aspen and James arrived.

We went and got ourselves some bubble tea, went to the local Taco Truck, and then returned to the apartment and hung out for a while. I really enjoyed it because everyone was vibing with Shane and I love introducing new people to each other. Eventually, Kid had to go home, and we decided we would go to a local bar called “Old North Arcade.”

I don't play video games nearly at all anymore, but I was really annoyed that in the town I've lived in my entire life, as a 24 year old I found out that there is a video game-themed bar, seven minutes from my parents' house. Aspen and I played “Dance Dance Revolution” ‘cuz of course we did! We all played a few other games, and I had a drink called “Tonic the Hedgehog” which I thought was a good pun.

When we made it home around 2:00, we blew up the air mattress, and we got ready for bed. When I was ready, I said goodnight to Shane, and then went downstairs to do the same to Aspen and James.

“Big dates tomorrow!” Aspen exclaimed after I hugged her, “Are you nervous?”

“A little bit.” I said, “when Arden and I talked on the phone this week… I told her about Gabby, and she's worried.”

“Mitchie,” Aspen reassured, “Arden is the mom of our group. Of course, she's going to be worried!”

“I know,” I said, “I've been telling myself that, but… I fought her so hard in Colorado over Ishana, and she was right… What if she's right to worry?”

“You're overthinking this!” Aspen said, “It's a first date! It’s not like you go from this straight to marriage. You have a ton of time to figure it out. If it leads to something it leads to something, if not, so be it. Don't overthink it and you'll be just fine tomorrow…”

Have a Greattastic Day and be Safe

J. Mitchie Ulibarri

Season 5 Who Am I? Autism Awareness Day Special: Autistic Masking

 Autism Awareness Day Special: Autistic Masking

Today is Autism Awareness Day and this is the first time in the three years since I've been doing this series that Autism Awareness Day coincides with an installment being posted. In honor of that, I decided to make today's installment a special.

Autism in boys presents differently than it does in girls. In fact, when I was a student at New Story (at the time it was called Haugland Learning Center or HLC), my first girlfriend, Caroline, was one of the only girls in my age group. The main reason for this is because when autism was first discovered, boys were the only ones who were studied.

A big difference between autistic boys and autistic girls is that girls are held to a standard of “masking” more. Masking (at least in terms of autism) basically means covering your autism up and pretending to be “neurotypical.” Think about it, girls are expected to be a lot more social, docile, and compliant in comparison to boys. In other words, boys are able to present the signs of autism more freely while girls are reprimanded for not acting “typical.”

What started happening was, undiagnosed autistic women would have autistic sons. When the sons would get diagnosed, the mothers would do autism research and just go, “This sounds a lot like me.” As a result, there has been a major spike in girls being diagnosed with autism because we're more aware of it now.

I have spent a good portion of my life around other people with autism and consequently, I have developed “an autism radar.” If you have autism, give me two minutes with you and I can usually tell. When I first started working at New Story as a teacher support, I met a couple named, Clo and Lucy. They are also teacher supports. From the moment I met Lucy, my autism radar was going off. I was conflicted for a couple months because I wasn't sure if she knew, and I didn’t know when it would be appropriate to drop that bombshell. Luckily we started hanging out and she confessed to me that she figured it out by working with the kids. I also discovered that Clo is “neurodivergent” as well.

Over the course of this last school year, Clo and Lucy have become good friends of mine and they have helped me with a lot of things (professional or otherwise). From time to time, I will go to Clo and Lucy's house after work. These after-work hangouts usually consist of stimming (hand flapping, squealing, running around, etc.), scripting (repeating words that have been heard from somewhere else… usually from movies or TV shows), and talking about our special interests.

As I depicted in “The Greattastic Adventures: Miracle Child” I jumped into a duck pond to get my brother Ryan’s toy, after his best friend Will, accidentally hyped me up too much. That same day there was an ice cream social at HLC, and I told a couple of students the pond story. They loved it, and I gained the self-confidence that I have today. My working theory has always been that Will and HLC sparked the development of my confidence and then my “sisters” came along and kept my ego in check. While that did happen something else that I missed happened too.

Even though I often forget it, my “sisters” are all neurotypical. What I'm saying is, even though I am completely comfortable with the girls, I don’t stim at 100%. I'm not saying I didn't stim at all, but I do mask a little bit. Since my goal this season is to figure out who I am, I have been asking myself one simple question: Why?

The girls don't care if I stim/script, my family doesn't, and my friends don’t. So why am I masking a little bit around them all? This is the question I ask myself. I'm not saying there's not an appropriate time to mask; at times it is necessary to protect ourselves. But I have decided to stop hiding these bits of myself and let myself be truly comfortable around the people who accept me as I am.

Have a Greattastic Day and be Safe! 

J. Mitchie Ulibarri.