Not Just Black and White

Not Just Black And White 

Hello everyone, Happy Valentine's Day!!!!!! I want you to imagine for a second, you’re a little kid again (3 or 4). Think about something you did that you were pretty proud of. It could be a game invented, or something that you built. Now, pretend your annoying little (or older)  brother or sister, walks to where you are, and he or she ruins whatever you are proud of. What would you do? Would you hit him or her? Would you bite? Would you scream? Most importantly why would you do it?

Of course I know why you would act out- you’re a kid. You haven't figured out how to act appropriately yet. If someone is nice to you they are your friend, but if they are mean to you, or they hurt you, then they are “bad”! My point is that when you’re that young, everything is black and white, and there is no in between. The problem is, sometimes with autism it is a lot harder to grow out of that. I can tell you from experience, it is a horrible way to live. I remember pushing all kinds of people away, and not really understanding why they kept leaving.

The most significant event(s) like this involved my “sisters”. In the summer of fifth grade, my brothers, a friend, and the neighbor girls were playing a game. One thing lead to another, and a fight broke out. The girls retreated, and told their dad, who told my dad. I came home from a friends house, and my dad was scolding my brothers. Ryan was the most upset out of everyone.  I didn't really care about what actually happened, all I cared about was who made Ryan upset. When I found out that the girls were responsible for everybody getting in trouble, they became pure evil in my mind. It didn't matter how much I loved them, or that we grew up together, they had hurt me by hurting Ryan.

From that point on, I would do whatever it took to get the girls in trouble. I would antagonize the girls until they beat me up, or did something else mean and then I would tell on them. If they didn't actually do something I would lie and say they did something. I would say anything. To illustrate how ridiculous this got, one of our last fights was about a brick:

I had snuck into their backyard, to start another fight. When I hopped the fence, I landed right next to a red brick with a rope tied around it. The rope was short, but had enough length to swing the brick around. I grabbed the brick and tossed it over the fence. The girls saw me and I ran out of their yard. My dad was in my backyard, so I ran to him and tried to convince him that the girls were trying to use the brick as a weapon. Dad called the girls over and he started to talk to them. He was not getting as mad at them as I thought he should be, so I lost it. I started to call the girls names and scream at them, and dad sent me inside.

Eventually of course, girls and I did become friends, but it was a long hard road to get to that point. Now the girls are my “sisters”, and some of my closest friends. I know for a fact, somewhere right now, there is some poor kid going through something exactly like what I went through. If you know “that kid”, please help him or her understand that the world is not just black and white. Explain to them how others feel when they do something. Explain that the person they are mad at, could have mutual feelings of dislike because of what they are doing. Generally speaking, autistic kids don't understand that. They feel that bad things can only happen to them not to other people, and if bad things do happen to others, they deserve it. As you know, the world is so much more complicated than that. People with autism just need a little prompting to figure out how to make friends.

Have a greattastic day

J. Mitchell Ulibarri