The Patience of Job

The Patience of Job

While Max (from “Dr. Mitch”) was the first friend I made when I went to HLC, he was not in my core friend group. As you may recall HLC, was the school specifically for kids on the autism spectrum. Some of the students enrolled, had a lot of behavior control issues as a result of their autism. In my second class on my first day of school at HLC, I met a girl (let's call her Caroline). Before class started, Caroline asked me if I wanted to eat lunch with her and her friend group. I accepted because I didn't have any friends, and she was really pretty.

At lunch I met her friends, (let's call them Zach and Jake) and I became part of their group. Now, Zach was just a friend from school, but Jake and Caroline had been best friends for years. The most defining thing about our group was this: all of us guys had a crush on Caroline, but none of us knew that the others had a crush on her. Eventually, Jake asked her out and they started dating. After a few years, and lot of shenanigans that almost broke the group up, I started dating Caroline.

Now, was Caroline a good person? Yes. Was she a good friend? Of course. Were we a good couple? NO! It was a very toxic relationship, full of lies, a lack of trust, and a ridiculous amount of drama (but that's a story for another time). As a result, we would break up, and then get back together, over and over. One of the many times we got back together, was in the spring right around my brother’s (Josh) birthday.

My dad owns an art studio in downtown Columbus, called Kobolt Studios. It is big and has a lot of warehouse type space, so it is great for parties. For example, every year we celebrate the 4th of July at the studio, and we watch fireworks from the roof. On this particular day in March Josh was having a birthday party at the studio with all of his friends. Zach was invited spontaneously, at the last minute.

During the last hour of the party Zach, a family friend, and myself were sitting in the 2nd floor conference room. We were just hanging out and talking, and then it happened. Zach asked me a question that I never thought would be asked- especially by a friend. For the sake of Caroline's dignity I will not say what Zach said, all you need to know is that it was inappropriate. I knew that he didn't understand what he was saying, but I didn't care. I felt my face get hot with anger, and I clenched my fist. I wanted to scream at him, but I thought about it for a second, took a deep breath, and instead told him how inappropriate his comment was and that I might tell Caroline what he said.

I regretted my decision immediately. Zach started to yell at me for “not being a good friend, and not taking a joke” then he physically attacked me. This was when “Dr. Mitch” took over. Each time his hands came at me, I would push them away and say something like, “no, we’re not gonna do this now.” Or, “Zach, do you need to take a break?” Eventually, he pushed me right out into the party. I told people not to get involved because it would just make it worse. People watched as I tried to de-escalate the situation, which was very tense. Eventually (an hour late!!), his mom came to pick him up. I escorted him outside and we got him in the car. When I went back in the studio one of the adult guests said to me, “Mitchell you have the patience of Job.” Of course I understood what she was saying, but I didn't understand why. There was no other option...I had to try to calm him down. If I didn't, Zach would have created a bigger scene, maybe even hurt someone. No matter what he said about Caroline, he was my friend, and he  really didn't know better. He honestly thought he was being funny. This is something you can expect from someone on the spectrum. Friends, family, people of the interweb please heed my words- be understanding with people who experience the world differently, sometimes they don’t understand what they are doing wrong. Wouldn't you hope to be treated the same?

Have a greattastic day,

J. Mitchell Ulibarri