Man I Want To Be
There's a musician named Jake Scott. My “sisters” introduced me to him, and I'm pretty sure that they found him through their friends in Canada. He has a lot of good songs, but my favorite is one called, The Man I Want to Be. My favorite part is the bridge. It goes, “If I got everything I’ve wanted and stood beneath the lights up on the stage, would the boy when I was young love the man that I've become or would he even recognize my face?”
This is a very weird season finale. In all the previous ones there's been something dramatic that happened. In Season 1, I lied to my other three “sisters” and Marshall to surprise them when Arden returned from Colorado for Christmas. In Season 2, Covid hit, and in Season 3… Well, admittedly, Season 3 wasn't super dramatic, but I did learn a very valuable lesson during that event. Season 4 was me moving out, and season 5, was my ex-girlfriend Gabby, returning for a final time. This installment is more of a reflection of what has happened between the Season 5 finale, and now.
I started writing books first, and that kind of snowballed into me starting this blog and, eventually, the podcast. Knowing that the books were coming, I sort of structured this series as if it were a series of books, too. Seasons 1 to 3 were one book; in my head it's called The Coronapocalypse. And Seasons 4-6 are one; I call this one The Mitchell Project.
For those of you who don't remember, The Mitchell Project was a plan that my “sisters” and I came up with on my 25th birthday to better my mental and physical health before my 26th. It was a direct result of my breakup with Gabby because I had immediately tried to fill the void of not having a girlfriend, and I had gotten myself hurt. There was a list of five things that I was supposed to do to complete The Mitchell Project. There was sort of an unspoken sixth rule, though: don't go looking for a girlfriend while doing The Mitchell Project. I planned, as a result, not to get a girlfriend until after my 26th birthday… Oops.
The reason that I wasn't supposed to get a girlfriend during that time was because my “sisters” and I knew that if I got a girlfriend, I would put my self-esteem into whatever girl I was dating, and it would all be for nothing. And I will admit, The Mitchell Project itself did fade away as soon as I started dating Paige, but not because I stopped using it. It faded because it wasn't needed in its current form; in other words, it evolved!
Paige herself is a major part of that evolution. I’m not going to lie to you; I did start to put my self-esteem into Paige and my relationship, as my “sisters” and had I feared. I'm not going to go into too many details, but basically, I became a little insecure. Insecurities are a natural thing in any relationship, but I'm so confident as a person that when I do get insecure, I’m not really good at handling it. The girls and Marshall have been helping me manage these insecurities, and Paige has continued to push me to have a life outside of our relationship.
On that note, this season, I've done a ton of great things myself! Firstly, I was a keynote speaker at an Ohio conference, and I was offered a spot on the CEC of Ohio Board! I also spoke at OCALICONLINE for a second time with my parents and some big names in the special ed world! On top of that, I have an idea for my next steps as an Autism advocate! I can't say anything right now, but just trust me, I'm really excited! In my non-romantic personal life, I saw Taylor Swift live, climbed a 14er, published my second book, finished writing my 3rd and 4th, became an “uncle” to August’s daughter, and spoke at my aunt and new uncle's wedding!
My essential question for this season was, “What’s the dream?” This was my essential question because my goal for the season was to figure out what my dream life looks like. I realized that looking for my “dream life” might have been setting me up for failure just because reality tends to get in the way. Despite this, I think I figured out what I want my life to realistically look like, and as a result, I am on the cusp of becoming the man I want to be!
Have a Greattastic day and be safe!
J. Mitchie Ulibarri
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