Season 8 Goals And Dreams Blog Season 8 Goals And Dreams Blog

 Sam’s Fans 10

When S.M. died, back in 2009, I felt more lost than I ever had before. As I depicted in my second book, Sam’s Fans was the first thing that really helped me cope with all the death I had experienced. In the two years since I published Once in a Lifetime, I haven’t written about Sam’s Fans as much. I think in some ways, writing and more specifically editing that book, helped me to process my feelings and move forward in my life. This doesn’t mean that I’m not still going to events.

As of this installment, Sam's Fans is 10 years old! S.M.’s favorite dessert was ice cream. Every year on her birthday (March 15th), Sam's Fans hosts a social media campaign, in which everyone posts pictures of themselves getting ice cream with the hashtag #icecreamwithsam. In April every year Sam's Fans has an ice cream party to celebrate S.M’s and it’s “birthday.”

Last Thursday, April 10th, 2025, I left work at 3:45, drove to pick Paige up, and drove down to Kobolt to finish working on Greattastic Adventures 2. Once I had finished, we drove to Meadow Park Drive. Jeni’s Splendid Ice Cream is a shop that started locally, but it’s now in multiple states. Paige and I parked right outside of my parents’ house, and walked up to the Jeni’s at the top of the street.

When we were about to walk in, we ran into Finn and Jack, two of S.M.’s brothers. After we greeted them, we entered and said hi to S.M. ’s mom, Nikki, her mom, Patti, and her best friend, Mandy. Then we ordered our ice cream and sat down with them.

As we caught up, with everyone I looked down at the table and there was a sticker. The sticker had expanded the cellular Sam's Fans logo, put a ladybug in the 0 of the number 10 (a ladybug is a symbol of S.M.), and had the words, “celebrating a decade of healing” on it. I couldn’t help but smile.

S.M. has been gone for nearly 16 years now. And yet, when I tell people about her without fail they always say, “I’m so sorry.” This is always a bit weird for me because I never really know how to respond. S.M.’s death started one of the darkest periods in my life and I miss her every single day. But, in the last 10 years S.M. though her mother and Sam's Fans, has touched the lives of thousands of kids just like her! It will never be “okay,” that’s not how grief works. But I’ll tell you, she would be so happy with what Nikki has done in her name over the last 10 years, and that makes it a bit easier to live with.

Have A Greattastic Day and Be Safe 

J. Mitchie Ulibarri

Season 8 Goals And Dreams Blog 6: The Things That Stay The Same

 The Things That Stay The Same

On Thursday, March 27th, 2025, at around 7:00 p.m., my uncle Bob was walking back to his car after meeting with a former coworker. As he was about to turn the corner, he heard someone running towards him from behind. He turned around, didn’t recognize the stranger, and turned the corner in a panic. “Hi, uncle Bob,” I said.

“Oh, hi Mitchell,” he said, “Sorry, I didn’t recognize you. What are you doing down here?” 

“There’s a Cousin Simple show at A&R,” I replied.

It’s not surprising that Uncle Bob didn’t recognize me. Since last summer, I've been wearing my hair up in a ponytail, and I haven’t shaved my face since the day after Christmas.

After Bob and I talked for about a minute, I returned to the restaurant where Mom, Dad, Josh, Paige, and the parents of the lead singer, Will, David, and Tracy, were eating. Now, Cousin Simple has played A&R before, but they haven’t played there since they released the music video for their song Candlelight a few years ago. 

When we got to A&R, we met up with Nimba, Aunt Cyndi, Will’s sister, Helen, Mrs. Hartman and a few other regulars. While I have not mentioned Mrs. Hartman in any of my writings, her son, Pete, appeared in my second book, as he was a really good friend of mine in grade school. After we said hi to each other, Mrs. Hartman said, “Pete got married last year and they are expecting their first baby in June!”

 Now, before Paige and I started dating, at every single Cousin Simple show, I would be practically at the front of the crowd. This changed when we started dating. Before we dated and she came to shows, I thought of her as just a fan of the band, but when she came as my guest, I felt a little more obligated to be with her, even though she did not agree with that obligation. After the rest of my family said hi to Mrs. Hartman, and congratulated her on the baby, Nimba, and Cyndi, expressed that they wanted to go to the front, and that encouraged Mom, me, and Paige to go too.

As Cousin Simple started playing, we were still a little further back than I would have liked to be. However, I noticed Josh, as close to the front as possible, and I used him as a landmark. I'm a very tall person, so it took me about half a set to get to Josh. When I did, I felt someone continually tap me on the shoulder. I was ignoring her, since I assumed she was just a disgruntled fan, until I realized it was just a little too deliberate, and I turned around and it was Paige. After a few minutes of dancing around, Paige asked me, “Can you throw my drink  away?” I grumbled a little bit, but as I grabbed her cup from her, I knew I could get back to where I was if I was a little more aggressive, fighting through the crowd. You will not believe the number of enemies I made that night!

This series has always had a weird relationship with the theme of change, mostly because I, as an autistic person, have a problem with change, and I want to move away from that theme, even though things change in life, and so I inevitably have to go back to it. Pete's eminent fatherhood is a weird change for me. Obviously, Pete is not my first friend to have a baby, and I haven't seen him consistently in nearly 15 years. The difference between him and, for example, August is, I watched August grow into an adult and literally grow, when she was pregnant. In contrast, the most recent version of Pete that I remember is a 6th grader; someone who should not have a baby.

Yes, Pete's wife's pregnancy has absolutely no bearing on my life (other than me obviously being happy for them), but it brings up a subset of insecurity about change that I haven't experienced before. It's not the, “Oh my gosh everything's changing in my life and it's never going to be okay,” kind of thing that I felt before, it's more subtle. Remember when you were little, and like your great aunt, or distant cousin or whoever, would say, “I remember when you were this small.” I feel like I’m doing the emotional equivalent of that in my head to Pete now that he's going to be a dad, and it's just a weird feeling and I don't know how to handle it. 

While there's probably a lot more packed into that little paragraph, that I should unpack with my therapist, as I was kind of overthinking about change the day after the show, I started thinking about how even though the feelings are a little weird, and maybe even a little incomplete, I had the makings for a good installment. Because whether the changes are small, like facial hair, an old friend's parenthood, or if they're bigger, like a friend moving away there are always the things that stay the same: like me being at the front of the crowd at a Cousin Simple show!

Have a Greattastic Day and be Safe!

J. Mitchie Ulibarri