Season 8 Goals And Dreams Blog 12: Evolution Of Friendship

 Evolution Of Friendship

Back in March, Paige and I went on a double brunch date with my childhood neighbor, Melody, and her husband, Rob, after having not seen them since the previous summer. After we hugged and said hello, we began talking about how long it had been. “I Haaaaaate adult friendships!” I complained.

“Yeah,” Melody agreed, “we can’t just go next door and hang out with the Andersons anytime we want.”

The first friend that I made at Haugland was a guy named Max. Max is at the beginning of two major stories in my life. First, his special interest in movies is what inspired me to convince my “sisters” to make Miracle Child. Secondly, as an adult, I reconnected with our Haugland principal, Kathy, through Max, which led me to start working at Haugland (now called New Story).

The last time Max appeared in Rules for a Greattastic Life was the season 3 finale in December of 2020 (A Story About Friendship). My intention was to bring him back into my life as things opened up post-COVID. And while I have seen him three or four times since then, it’s not as often as I would have liked. Tuesday, June 3rd, 2025, was Max’s 10-year high school graduation anniversary! That day, he had people over to celebrate. While I had wanted him to meet Paige, the night before was my aunt Shana’s funeral, and with all the stress of that, I didn’t get back to him till it was too late. At 6:00 pm on Wednesday, June 4th, Paige and I pulled up to Max’s house. After we walked in and I introduced them, I asked Max, “Sooo what do you want to do?”

“Ummm, I don’t know,” he replied, “whatever you want to do!”

I did some research and found a Northstar cafe nearby. As we walked down to the restaurant, ordered our food, and sat down, Paige was getting to know Max. Meanwhile, I was in deep thought. As an autistic person, change has always been a struggle for me. While I have learned how to cope with changes in my relationship with my “sisters,” I am still having problems with changes in my other relationships. The easiest example is my friend Anna. 

As you might recall, Anna is my oldest (living) friend, as the current version of my relationship with my “sisters” started in 7th grade, and I met Anna in kindergarten. She and I reconnected in 2020, and we remained close throughout the next few years. Since her last appearance, she has started dating a guy, become a doctor, and gotten engaged to that guy. We will have dinner about once a year, but it’s not the same as it used to be. I think the reason I have been struggling with Anna and my relationship, and why I hate adult friendships, is that I have been thinking of friendships as all-or-nothing.

Anna and I met for breakfast every couple of weeks at the beginning of 2020. We talked on the phone all the time during the pandemic and alternated between the two until about 2023. Because of the changes in both our lives, it felt like our friendship was over. As Max, Paige, and I ate our food, I realized that the reason I have not been seeing Max as much, despite my best intentions, is for the same reason I was worried about Anna and me. Because I was thinking of friendships as all or nothing, I felt like Max and I were not friends anymore because we weren’t as close as we used to be.

But that’s not how friendship works. Just because The Andersons don’t live next door to me anymore, doesn’t mean they are not my “sisters.” Just because “Dr. Anna” is super busy now, doesn’t mean she’s not my oldest friend. Just because Max and I don’t see each other as much as we used to, doesn’t mean we can’t still be friends. As we grow and change, our friendships must evolve to survive those changes. And while it can be difficult, it doesn’t mean the relationships are over. 

Have a Greattastic day and be safe!

 J. Mitchie Ulibarri

Season 8 Goals And Dreams Blog 11: Keep Me In Your Heart

 Keep Me In Your Heart

In loving memory of Shana Marie (Savage) Tackett

June 22, 1979-May 16, 2025

On Monday, June 2, 2025, Paige and I got to my parents' house on Meadow Park Drive at about 3:45. We got out of the car and walked to the funeral home at the top of the street. My mom’s sister, Shana, passed away on May 16th, about a week after Paige and I got engaged. We entered for the visiting hours and spent that time talking to family and friends, which included my dad’s side of the family from Florida.

The service started at 6. After everyone had talked about their favorite memories about Shana (I was the last one), Ryan, Luke, Josh, and I stood up and prepared to play a cover of a song called Keep Me In Your Heart by Warren Zevon. As my brothers started playing the intro (Ryan and Luke on guitar and Josh on harmonica), I thought back on Shana's impact on my life.

Mom was about 6 months pregnant with me when Shana graduated from high school, and I am the oldest grandchild on Mom’s side. As the first baby, I know I had a very special place in Shana’s heart. On my end, Shana was just a college kid; she wasn’t a full adult like Mom and Dad or Aunt Melissa or Uncle Andy were. On some level, I was able to watch Shana grow up, even if I was completely aware of it. This dynamic led me to see her more as a friend than as my aunt.

From the time I was 2, Shana would take me to the mall. Whenever we were together, she was very interested in what was going on with my life, and that continued as I grew up. I spent many nights sleeping at Shana’s house, telling her about the struggles I had making friends as an autistic child. It was during one of these sleepovers that I held the first baby I ever would: Shana and Uncle Scott’s daughter, Lexi. While Shana and I didn’t see each other as much after Lexi was born, it was evident that Shana was born to be a mom.

On Saturday, September 30, 2023, Aunt Cyndi and Jeremy got married. While I wrote an installment about it (The Wedding Of Cyndi And Jeremy), their relationship was obviously the point of that installment. On that date, Paige and I were just days away from our 6-month anniversary. Paige and Shana met for the first time at the wedding. The whole reception, Shana was jokingly saying, “So you guys are going to get married next, right?” At the time, Paige and I had already discussed the possibility of getting married, but we didn’t tell Shana then. Despite how sad I am about her death, I’m glad that the last thing she knew about me was that Paige and I got engaged!

Now, even though my books are available on Amazon, I make more money if I sell them myself. As a result, I don’t pay too much attention to the book reviews. When you publish a sequel, it takes about 24 hours for it to be connected to the rest of the series. The day after I published The Greattastic Adventures 2: Fractured, I was obsessively looking on Amazon to make sure everything had worked properly. As I was scrolling through, I noticed a review on my first book, The Greattastic Adventures: Miracle Child. It read as follows:

Shana Tackett-  Reviewed in the United States on March 13, 2023

MUST READ!! LOVE this book!! His story is so endearing, and he has this awesome positive outlook on life. I think he is so inspiring to everyone, not just to those living with Autism, but all people all over! Definitely purchasing his next one!

Now, is that review anything special? No. But me finding it now as opposed to back in 2023 makes me feel like it’s Shana saying, “I’m okay.”

As the boys and I sang the song, I looked out at Shana‘s friends and family. I imagined Shana standing in the back of the room and smiling as we finished singing, because I think she would have really loved it.

I love and miss you, Shana.

Your nephew- John Mitchell Ulibarri