Blue Christmas
I centered the Thanksgiving special on a trip Paige and I took the weekend before the holiday, rather than on the holiday itself. There were a handful of reasons for this. 1. From a narrative perspective, it was a good way to bookend my insecurities about change. Sidebar- I understand those insecurities are still something I'm going to have to work on, but since that trip, I have felt much more comfortable with change in relation to the Andersons, and I feel more confident about it than I have since they developed. 2. Thanksgiving was the first holiday since both Papa and Shana died in January and May, respectively. Thanksgiving Day was hard, but we all knew Christmas would be worse.
The Saturday before Christmas, the Mitreys (Aunt Melissa, Uncle Andy, Alex, Maci, Nicholas, and Ellie), Nimba, Uncle Scott and Lexi, Aunt Cyndi and Cameron, came to my parents' house, and we all made Christmas cookies. This is an annual tradition, and going into it, I was a little worried because it was the beginning of the usual celebration, and things were so abnormal. Overall, the day was relatively uneventful, however.
Christmas day was when things got a little… more strenuous. Paige and I got up, got to my parents' house by 8:45 (Ryan, Luke, and Josh were staying there), we prayed the Rosary, and finished opening presents by 11:15. While I got a lot of gifts, I would like to point out one. Mom got me an ugly Christmas sweater that was Grinch-themed, as he is my favorite Dr. Seuss character (possibly my favorite character ever… but I go back and forth on that one). Shortly thereafter, we went to Paige's parents' house to open presents before driving to the Mitreys for the celebration.
Those in attendance were Nana and Grandpa, Uncle Bob and Aunt Erin (and her parents), Nimba, Uncle Scott and Lexi, Aunt Cyndi, Jeremy, Caitlin, and Cameron, obviously the Mitreys (Including one of Uncle Andy's brothers and his wife, and his mom), and my family. Now, as I mentioned a couple of installments ago, during Dad's 30th-anniversary party for the studio, Maci and I were watching the door. While we were doing that, Maci told me that Nicholas had convinced Ryan to record the Mitreys singing Christmas songs for a Christmas album for Aunt Melissa, and that evolved into both the Mitreys and the Ulibarris recording a giant Christmas album. Obviously, I sang You’re A Mean One. Once everyone had arrived at the Christmas party, we started playing the Christmas album, and everyone freaked out!
We have a yearly white elephant gift exchange, and in 2014, this ugly white sweater was put in, and Uncle Bob got it. Every year since then, it has been put into the white elephant again, and we have pictures of everyone wearing it when they receive it. Last year, Paige got it. Obviously, she was part of the family before that, but her having the cursed sweater and passing it on this year feels like a rite of passage. Now I know that the way I'm describing this doesn't seem like Christmas was very “strenuous.” It honestly seems kind of normal, and that's what was so weird about it. Everything was relatively normal, but as to be expected, everyone was really sad, and that kind of bugs me.
As you are probably very aware, I had a very complicated relationship with grief growing up. My best friend and childhood sweetheart, S.M., died when I was 12. Within a few months of her dying, two other children in my community passed away. Then, a couple of years later, my dad's childhood best friend's daughter, Elizabeth, passed away after having helped me cope with those other deaths. Then, in my junior year, a guy from S.M. and my class died, and then in 2021, a family friend of mine, who was also a friend of one of the two who died in my community after S.M., passed away. I included all of them in some capacity in my second book, Once In A Lifetime: A Song For Sam, because they were all people I grew up with who passed away way too young. This grief experience is different.
Papa was my grandpa. The Andersons haven't had any grandparents since, I believe, 2018, and Paige's last grandparent, her grandma, died a year into us dating. What I'm saying is my closest friends in the world, and my fiancée, haven't had grandparents in a long time, and so I'm very aware that the number of grandparents that I have at my age is not the norm, and I am very thankful that I lost my first grandparent at 27. Growing up, Aunt Shana was my favorite aunt. Because my parents were new business owners, Shana would babysit me and take me on really fun adventures. But the problem is, Aunt Shana had a lot of struggles through my teenage years and adult life, and so the aunt that I knew died about ten years ago. And if having a blog like this should tell you anything, it’s that one of my favorite things to do is give advice through stories.
This puts me in a weird position with my family. Because of my childhood grief that I talk very openly about and the fact that I've already grieved these two family members that I was very close to, I feel like I'm kind of like a sage in this situation, which is making me feel really, really guilty. Like, the only way I know how to help is by imparting my wisdom upon them, but at the same time, I feel like I should be as upset as everyone else! Despite all of that, everyone being together for Christmas this year, even though we were sad, made me feel closer to Papa and Shana!
Hope you had a Greattastic Christmas
J. Mitchie Ulibarri, SBT.
Rules for a Greattastic Life will return in the new year with Meanwhile In Another Timeline 2: A World Without Covid
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