Season 7 To Be An Advocate Blog 12: The Truth About War Of The Roommates Part 3: Eviction Notice

 The Truth About War Of The Roommates Part 3: Eviction Notice

I did, in fact, fix things with Shane, as I depicted in the installment Dancing With Our Stars, and everything was fine until I started dating Paige. I was uncomfortable having her at my apartment because of what happened between Gabby and Shane, so she and I spent a lot of time hanging out at my parent's house, and after I would drop her off, it was just easier to sleep at my parent's house because I had been there all day. As I explained at the end of part 2, I started to lie to everyone in my life about where I was staying and I was trying to use this series to portray a different reality of the situation to make myself feel better.

In October 2023, maintenance came into our apartment (unannounced). They found that Shane had not been cleaning the bathroom, so it was really gross. They also said they replaced my closet doors since they were missing. We took them off and put them in the basement when I moved in because I put my dresser inside the closet to make my room function better. We had to pay for the bathroom cleanup and the “missing” closet doors. I paid my portion right away, even though the doors were not missing and could easily be put back in place.

I hated paying rent at a place I wasn’t staying at, but I justified it because I knew it would be over soon. You see, Paige and I were planning on moving into a new apartment after her lease was up in July. That got moved to May because that’s when my lease was up, and Kid is traveling for the summer again this year. So the plan was for me to sublease from Kid, and then Paige and I would move into a new apartment in August.

On Monday, March 11, 2024, Paige and I started working on the paperwork to get approved for an apartment for after her and Kid’s lease was up. Now that Friday, March 15, was S.M.’s 26th birthday and the one-year anniversary of my publishing my second book, Once In A Lifetime: A Song For Sam about her. I wrote a blog (that I didn’t end up publishing because of the events of this installment) to celebrate both her birthday and the anniversary.

The only thing I used my apartment for was to record my podcast since I had everything set up there. On Saturday the 16th, early in the morning, I drove to my apartment to record the blog for the podcast. As I walked up to the door, I noticed a yellow paper taped to it. It was an eviction notice that had been posted the previous Tuesday. It said that if we did not pay the money we owed by Friday we had to be out by the following Wednesday.

I freaked out immediately, and I would like to take this moment to apologize (again), to my parents and Paige for the frantic phone calls in which I screamed at all three of them out of sheer stress. Once my parents had tried and failed to calm me down, they got in contact with Shane’s parents while I was on the phone with Paige. It turned out that Shane had seen the notice but thought that it had to be a mistake because he was paying his rent, even though he hadn’t paid the bathroom fee. His parents paid his bill, and we didn’t get evicted! 

Writing this three-parter was more for therapeutic purposes than any installment I've written before. I’m not writing any of this to say that I hate Shane. Quite the opposite, actually. Ever since Shane and I moved in together, I have seen him as a permanent fixture in my life. But the stress of having to basically pay for him to live there and keeping it a secret took a major toll on my mental health. I am calling this season to be an advocate, in reference to the nonprofit I’m trying to start. But if this situation has taught me anything, it’s that I need to work on my self-advocacy too. I mean, if I can’t advocate for myself, how am I supposed to advocate for others?

Kid’s flight to Costa Rica was on Saturday, May 18th. That morning my brothers, Luke and Josh, and my former coworker Clo, helped Paige and I move me into Paige’s apartment. After we had got all my stuff in and everybody else was gone I reflected on the last two years. Obviously, my time living with Shane was not ideal, but I do not regret it. I will always be grateful for my friendship with Shane, and I’m looking forward to my next chapter, living with Paige.

Have a Greattastic day and be Safe!

J. Mitchie Ulibarri

Season 7 To Be An Advocate Blog 11: The Truth About War Of The Roommates Part 2: The Least Debacle

 The Truth About War Of The Roommates Part 2: The Lease Debacle

Shane was initially on the lease on his own. When I moved in in 2022, I was an addendum to that original lease. There's nothing much to talk about here… I got approved to move in, signed the addendum, moved in, and I thought that would be the end of it. Spoiler alert: it wasn't.

When I spoke at OCALICONLINE 2022 (OCALICONLINE-Only One Place I Can Go), I took the entire week off of work. Now at this point, Shane and I were in Era 2 of War Of The Roommates. As a refresher, Jessica had started having issues with me, which caused Shane and I to start having issues, even though we had worked through them before.

Between OCALICONLINE sessions, I was searching for new apartments because I was over all the drama. But I didn’t know when my lease was up. There were 15-minute breaks between each session, and I called my landlord’s office at one of those times. The receptionist said she would find it and get back to me.

During the next session, I got a callback but let it go to voicemail so I could pay attention. Basically, what had happened was when I initially signed the addendum, Shane didn’t sign it, and if I wanted to keep living there we needed to sign it again. 

I thought this was an amazing opportunity. I had no legal ties to the apartment, and I started frantically looking for new apartments so I could move out asap. Before I had a chance to find a new apartment, however, Dad and I had a conversation. “You know,” he said after I had told him about the situation, “you should try to make it work with Shane.”

“Why?” I asked.

“You haven’t really tried to fix things with him yet, and he has Down Syndrome. He can’t really help it. With the advocacy you’re trying to do, it will be good practice to continue to live with him,” Dad explained.

Now, my dad is one of the most successful people I know. He moved to Columbus at 17, and after graduating college and marrying Mom, he started a business from nothing that has supported my family since before I was born. He has the ability to solve any problem that life throws at him in the most creative way possible. Sometimes, I think he gets frustrated that no one else in the world solves problems the way he can.

What I’m saying is if he were in my position, he could have lived with Shane and worked through all of the issues that Shane and I have had… but I’m not him. The only reason I stayed in the apartment was because I wanted to prove myself. Not just to Dad but to everyone. I wanted everyone to think that I was capable enough to survive on my own, and when I stopped staying at the apartment for a third time, I really felt like I was a failure. This is why I lied to everyone about staying at the apartment. The only people who knew the truth were my family, my “sisters” and Marshall, and Paige… And quite honestly, if I could have pulled it off without letting them know, I probably would have lied to them about it, too.

To be continued….

Season 7 To Be An Advocate Blog 10: The Truth About War Of The Roommates Part 1: The Battle Of Gabby

 The Truth About War Of The Roommates Part 1: The Battle Of Gabby

 In the installment I wrote about Paige and my one-year anniversary (Spring Break 2024 Part 1: Paige and my 1-Year Anniversary), I said that I’ve been super stressed for a while, and things came to a head shortly after Melody and Rob’s wedding. This three-parter is a complete depiction of that situation. I have been lying! To you, to people in my life, and frankly, to myself. I'm getting ahead of myself though, so let's start at the beginning. Here is the story of War Of The Roommates, as you, the audience, knows it:

I signed the lease to my Gleason Road Apartment in early 2022. My roommate, Shane, was already on the lease, and I was just added on. After I became the event coordinator for his engagement to his now fiancé Jessica, he and I started having problems. I started staying with my parents full-time again, but toward the end of the summer, we had a sit-down and fixed things. For the sake of these installments, I'm going to call this Era 1. After Shane and I fixed things, Jessica and I started having issues, and that led Shane and me to start having issues again, but we smoothed everything over in early 2023. I will call this Era 2. One thing happened in each of these eras that came together and created the secret Era 3. Just as sort of a table of contents: this installment will be about the event that happened in Era 1, part 2 will be about the event that happened in Era 2, and part 3 will be the fallout of Era 3’s creation.

Right at the beginning of Shane and my roommatehood, Shane met my “sisters,” Aspen and Kid. Shortly after he met them, he made a comment that made me a little uncomfortable bringing them around the apartment. Just to be clear, I know that Shane did not mean anything by what he said. He has Down Syndrome, and as a disabilities advocate, I tried not to hold it against him, but we did have a conversation about it.

In June of 2022, my girlfriend at the time, Gabby, came down to my area to have dinner with my family. In the installment I wrote about that event (Meet The Ulibarris), I explained that she got to my apartment at 3:00, and then I drove her around town and showed her things before dinner, as she had never been to my area. Shane can't drive, so I got the apartment parking spot. As I was the driver for the day, Gabby left her car in the parking spot.

After dinner, Gabby and I got into my car and drove back to my apartment. It had started raining for the second time that day while we were eating. As we drove, we talked about how well the dinner went, and we kept talking about it for a bit as I pulled up in front of my apartment. Once she got out of my car, I waited for her to pull out of my spot. It was taking her a while to drive away, and right when I was starting to question it Gabby started angrily storming back toward my car with a yellow piece of paper in her hands. Now, this was two years ago, and the paper was drenched, so all I really remember is how gross the paper was, but Gabby was upset because it said something along the lines of, “Get the F out of this parking spot. It's not yours!” 

I had told Shane that Gabby was coming over that night, but I did forget to tell him that she was parking in my spot. I just assumed that he would figure it out, process of elimination you know? I know that I should have communicated a little better, but at the time, it felt like he was just not respecting the women in my life, with or without the miscommunication. After Gabby left, I entered my apartment, and Shane and I got into a fight. I told him how upset she was, and he said, “I promise I'll apologize to her!” I was happy to let that be the solution. Unfortunately (at least for the sake of this situation), the next week, I went to Norris Lake with my family, and Gabby and I broke up while I was on that trip.

This issue died with my and Gabby's relationship, but it came back when Paige and I started dating. I know it's stupid and honestly a little immature to hold it against Shane, but I could never get comfortable having Paige at my apartment because of what happened between Shane and Gabby. And honestly, I think the only thing that would have made me feel better was if he apologized to Gabby, but I wasn't going to bring my ex back, just to fix this little thing. That would 1. be unrealistic and 2. not be fair to Paige or Gabby.

 To be continued…

Season 7 To Be An Advocate Blog 9: Ace of Cups

 Ace Of Cups

Ace of Cups is a bar in Columbus, only a couple of miles from my parents' house. It’s fairly popular locally, and it’s pretty ingrained in my mind because I've driven past it my entire life. Ace of Cups is one of the only major bars that Cousin Simple hasn’t played since the band started seven years ago. So when I found out that Box Seats was playing there, I was very excited.

About a year ago, Box Seats played at a coffee shop/bar called Kafe Kerouac. In the installment I wrote about that show (Fun Fact And Pizza), I said that I loved how Luke and Josh could be themselves on stage. In other words, they don’t really have stage personas. However, while that show was highly entertaining, there is always room to grow!

On Friday, May 3rd, after Paige and I had dinner at my parents’ house at around 6:45, I drove to pick Noah up. I went alone so Noah and I could catch up. Side note- Noah was recently announced as a 2024 Sport Ambassador for the United States Association of Blind Athletes (USABA). At 7:30, Mom, Dad, Ryan, Paige, Noah, and I went to Ace of Cups. We ordered drinks and said hi to the other band members and the other band families, and then, at 8, the music started.

Box Seats played a ton of new songs, including the one that they released that day, Sunscreen. In fact, they only played one cover song. I know that they have definitely played a limited number of covers for a while, but this was the first time I really noticed it.

In the middle of the Kafe Kerouac show, Luke asked the crowd if anyone knew any fun facts, and later, Josh ate a slice of pizza on stage. It was pretty iconic because they were clearly enjoying themselves, but obviously, it wasn’t super professional.

While they have always enjoyed themselves, the best part about having siblings in bands is watching them grow as performers. Over the last year or so, Luke and Josh have become even more confident in their stage presences without being inauthentic, and I can’t wait to continue to watch them grow.

Have a Greattastic Day and be Safe!

J. Mitchie Ulibarri

You can listen to Box Seats' new song, Sunscreen, and all the other songs wherever you find music.

Season 7 To Be An Advocate Blog 8: Spring Break 2024 Part 2: Totality

 Spring Break 2024 Part 2: Totality

In part 1, I said my spring break lasted until April 8th. That wasn’t 100% true. That day was the day of the solar eclipse, and I had an online work meeting from 8:30 to 10:30, then I had the rest of the day off. Now, you might recall back in July 2020, there was a comet called NOEWISE that passed by Earth. I’m not super interested in big solar events, but I enjoyed seeing NOEWISE with my family because we were in the heat of the pandemic, and that event was a pretty cool distraction. I thought that the eclipse was going to be very similar but without the backdrop of a global pandemic to elevate how cool it was.

On Saturday the 6th, Paige and I left the cabin in Hocking Hills and drove back to Columbus. When we got to my parents' house, Mom asked, “What are you guys doing for the eclipse?”

“We were going to watch it downtown, so I was going to stay at her apartment because of traffic,” I replied.

“Well, we're planning on going to the Mitrey’s house because they'll be in totality,” Mom explained.

After my meeting on Monday, Paige and I went to my parents' house. My parents, Ryan, Luke, and Josh, got there around noon, and by 12:30, we were on our way. When we got to their house, the Mitreys (Aunt Melissa, Uncle Andy, Alex, Maci, Nicholas, and Ellie), were making a charcuterie board, and other food, with three of Maci’s sorority sisters. By 1:30, Aunt Cyndi, her kids, Caitlynn and Cameron, my Grandpa and Nana, and one of Andy’s co-workers, Erin, had arrived.

The eclipse started around 1:50. Everyone started going outside at that time, and we periodically put our glasses on and looked up. Right away, I thought I was right because it wasn’t living up to all the hype. That's not to say we weren’t having fun together; it’s just that the first hour was no different than any other family gathering.

Somewhere between 2:50 and 2:55, everyone who was there stood on the back steps to get a group picture. We wanted two group pictures; one without the glasses and the other picture with them. Getting those two pictures exactly how Mom and Melissa wanted them took 5-7 minutes. Now just something to know about my family, we tend to hate group pictures. Pictures, in general, are fine, but trying to get everyone to just stand there and get the pictures done so that the moms are happy with it is very frustrating. We were all complaining so much that we didn't realize how dark it was getting until the pictures were done.

I'm just estimating, but I'd say at this point we were at about like 97% totality, so it looked like it was dusk. Over the next 10 minutes, we watched as the moon took over the last bit of the sun. Language is funny…there are some emotions and experiences that are limitless, but humans aren’t, and as a result, language can’t often describe something that is.

As of the posting of this installment, it has been almost two weeks since the eclipse, and despite how much I have thought about it, I don’t think I will ever be able to accurately describe how amazing it was! It was not, as I expected, slightly boring without a global pandemic to elevate it. All I can say is that the stillness at the moment of totality was something I have never experienced, and it is something I will remember for the rest of my life!

Have a Greattastic day and be safe!

J. Mitchie Ulibarri

Season 7 To Be An Advocate Blog 7: Spring Break 2024 Part 1: Paige And My 1-Year Anniversary

 Spring Break 2024 Part 1: Paige And My 1-Year Anniversary

Hey everyone! It's been a while. The last installment I made was about Melody and Rob's wedding. The wedding was on March 2nd, and this installment is being posted on April 13th. A lot has come up over this last month, and I will be addressing it in some upcoming installments. The reason for the gap is not important for this installment. However, the gap in and of itself is…

My spring break was from Friday, March 29th, to Monday, April 8th. Now, April 4th just happened to be Paige and my 1-year anniversary. Originally, over my spring break, I wanted to take a trip to Florida so she could meet my family and we could still have the weekend to enjoy our anniversary. However, Paige's spring break started on the Monday after Melody and Rob’s wedding, so we decided to go on a weekend trip to Hocking Hills, which is about an hour southeast of Columbus.

I picked Paige up from Columbus State on Thursday the 4th; we got her bags and drove to Hocking Hills. The cabin we stayed at was owned by Lazy Lane Cabins, and it was called Castaway. After getting the keys we drove the half mile to where Castaway was. About halfway down the road that Castaway was on, it turned into a ravine with two forested hills on either side. On the left-hand hill was a steep gravel path, and the Castaway cabin was in the middle of the forest at the end of the path. It was romantic and secluded… in spite of the minor horror movie vibes.

The cabin itself was super homey. There was a hot tub on the front porch, though Paige and I had not noticed it and did not bring swimsuits. There were three rooms in the cabin, a living room/kitchen with a TV, a bedroom, and a bathroom. It was freezing cold when we got in there, so we immediately turned on the heat. After looking around, we realized we still needed a few essentials, so I drove on my own to a Kroger 13 minutes away, knowing that Paige would definitely get car sick if she came with me. By the time I got back, the cabin was really warm. We spent the night eating dinner and watching TV before we went to bed.

On Friday, we got up and ate breakfast. I got us coffee while Paige worked on an essay, and by the time she finished, it was time for lunch. After lunch, we started working on an outline for another book. Side note, I'm kind of mad that it took me a year to start utilizing her as a writing partner; she's really good at it. After we finished working on the outline for the day, we went to Old Man's Cave.

Now, for those of you who are not local to Ohio, Old Man's Cave is a really popular part of Hocking Hills State Park. It's named that because a hermit named Richard Rowe lived there back in the 1800s. I've been there a handful of times throughout my life, and Paige went there once when she was little. As we walked through this area I'd seen before, it was like I was seeing it for the first time.

I've been super stressed pretty much since September of last year when I finished writing the rough draft of my fourth book (A Writer's Place). I think that's because I have spent nearly 7 years motivated to get those books done, and now that Greattastic Adventures 2 and 3 are in my editor's hands, there is nothing I can do. My motivation isn't what it used to be. Plus, with trying to start a non-profit, work, and life in general, I don't know…I've just been off.

While I tend to have multiple gaps between installments per season, I think this is the most significant one that has ever happened, excluding the pandemic-related lockdown between seasons 2 and 3. Usually, the gaps happen because I’m waiting for something that is blog/podcast-worthy. But with all the stress that has been going on, I haven’t been feeling myself and it really hit after the wedding. But this cabin trip was exactly the break I needed; it recharged me, and I’m ready to get back on track!

To Be Continued…

Season 7 To Be An Advocate Blog 6: Melody And Rob's Wedding

 Melody And Rob's Wedding

As you may recall, back in June of 2021, I was a groomsman in my childhood neighbor Greg's wedding (Groomsmen, Can You Please Teach Me How To Dance, & Greg's Wedding Parts 1, 2, and 3). At that time, I had just recently started dating Ishana. Now, Greg and his sister Melody had never met any of my previous girlfriends, so the fact that I was in a relationship was a huge topic of conversation with the wedding party during the wedding weekend. Because Melody was the only bridesmaid that I really knew on any level, we were seated at the same table during the reception.

After Greg and his bride, Temi had their first dance, but before the speeches began, Melody suggested that we should go on a double date when we got back to Columbus. I ended up breaking up with Ishana shortly thereafter, so the double date didn't happen. Melody and I finally met up about 9 months later (early March 2022), and she introduced me to her boyfriend, Rob. Over the last two years, I have become good friends with Rob, and I will see Melody and Rob at some of their church events, or we will get something to eat. Now over the last year, while I have talked to Melody, Rob, and Greg about Paige, none of them had met her. So while I was excited when I got invited to Melody and Rob’s wedding, I was extra excited when I found out Paige was allowed to come.

Last Saturday, March 2nd, 2024, Mom dropped Paige and me off at the venue at about 4:00 p.m. The ceremony started at 4:30 and after everyone processed in I experienced one of the most beautiful sights I've ever witnessed. I mentioned that Melody, Rob, and I will see each other, but we have individual friendships. Like Melody and I have known each other for years, Rob and I will hang out on our own, so when I see them together, it's like, “Hey, it's Rob… and oh my gosh, Melody!” Obviously I knew that they were dating, but because I'm not part of their relationship and we have slightly separate friendships, it was always like a background fact. I hope I explained that well. I’m honestly not sure if I did. Anyway, seeing the faith that they have in God and how much they love each other was incredibly beautiful!

During the reception, I Introduced Paige to Greg, his and Melody’s little brother, Nathan, and their mom. When Greg figured out who she was, a look of pure glee fell across his face, and he said, “Let me know if you want to hear any embarrassing stories about 10-year-old Mitchell.” He then proceeded to tell her my deepest darkest secret, and now she will never stop making fun of me. Eventually, Paige introduced herself to Melody and Rob, and I was really happy that everyone finally got to meet her!

Now, as you might know from my first book, The Greattastic Adventures: Miracle Child, growing up, Melody and I were barely friends. Admittedly, in the book and its upcoming sequels, I had to cut out most of our relationship, but generally speaking, Greg was always my friend, and Melody was always my “sister” Aspen’s friend. I've always taken the stance that if I'm writing about you, I love you… I'm a storyteller; it's the highest form of respect I can give you. But the love that I had for “Young Melody'' was always just an extension of my love for Aspen or Greg. And even her and Aspen's friendship eventually fizzled out. Once Greg went off to college and Melody moved off of Meadow Park Drive, I honestly never thought I would see her again.

I was super proud to be a groomsman at Greg's wedding. As a kid, I was never the kindest person to him and the fact that he chose me to be in his wedding party in spite of that is something that I will never stop being thankful for. In that same vein, I'm so thankful that I reconnected with Melody, and she introduced me to Rob. They're not people who I ever would have imagined being in my adult life, but I am so thankful that they are and I'm so glad that we are close enough that they invited me to be part of their special day.

Congratulations, Melody and Rob, I can't wait to see what Greatastic things come next for you!

J. Mitchie Ulibarri