War Of The Roommates
I haven’t been entirely honest with you for a couple of reasons. Firstly, after I made such a big deal about moving out, I didn’t want to add any confusion. Secondly, and more importantly, I didn’t want to be rude.
When Shane and I first started talking about moving in together, his parents wanted to talk to mine as a result of a bad situation with his previous roommate. One of his moms called my mom, to ask/answer some questions, and set up a date for us to see the apartment. When the call came through, I sat next to Mom listening in on the conversation.
“We are going to have staff come in and help out!” Shane‘s mom explained.
My first week living there no staff came in to help. Okay, I thought, maybe they come every two weeks. Three weeks into me living there, however, staff had still not shown up.
“Hey,” I asked one night, “I was told that you have staff… do you know when they’re coming?”
“Oh, I don’t need staff,” he said, “I have you!”
I wasn't comfortable with that statement, but at the beginning of the following week, Shane proposed to his girlfriend of three years, Jessica, and I was both a musician for the proposal and the event coordinator. After the proposal had happened there was nothing to distract me, and Shane and I started having problems. I really felt like there was a lot of pressure on me, to take care of the apartment and Shane, and I felt like I didn't have any privacy.
Partially because of my ear infection/my most recent breakup, and partially because of my situation at home, I stayed with my parents when we got back from Norris Lake. I would only ever go home if I needed something, or if I needed to record a podcast. In my previous installment, I said, “The original plan for the 4th of July weekend was for everyone (my “sisters,” Marshall, and James) to stay at my apartment, but then there wasn’t enough space for that.” While that was a factor, the main reason was because Shane and I had gotten into another fight.
After we decided to go to Cincinnati for the fireworks on the 4th, I went to my apartment to pack. While I was packing, Shane got home after spending some time with Jessica's brother. As I was getting ready to leave, he and I started fighting again, and I ended it by saying, “Look, I was told that there would be staff in here before I signed the lease! I'm feeling overwhelmed and while I will be here until the lease is up If things don't change I'm out!”
To Shane’s credit, he orchestrated a meeting for us with both our parents and his staff coordinator, Nancy at our apartment on July 17th. We talked out our issues, and what we had both done wrong, and we made a plan for moving forward. These events don't make us special, roommates fight all the time, and communication isn't something that neurodivergent people necessarily thrive at. I am super proud of us then, for trying to make this work when a lot of people just wait out their leases and move on with their lives.
Have a Greattastic day and be safe!
J. Mitchie Ulibarri
Just so everyone is aware, I had Shane read over this installment and I told him to let me know what parts he did not like so I could change them Before I posted this!
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