Rejection Therapy
Immediately after Lauren told me she was not interested, I desperately told my “sisters” I was going to go back into dating apps. They told me it was a bad idea, and we started something called The Mitchell project, which was supposed to help me work on myself before I got into another relationship. While there were five individual goals I was supposed to meet, they basically boiled down to two things: get over Gabby and be more confident in myself, so that when the right one came along, I wouldn’t miss my opportunity. I got over Gabby in the Season 5 finale when we met up for the last time and found closure (True Confidence).
Here's the thing: while I would consider myself a confident person, whenever I would talk to women, my confidence tended to, for lack of a better word, crap out. Literally the only reason I dated anybody before Paige was because the social pressure of people making jokes about me missing the fact that a girl was into me, outweighed the social awkwardness in the moment of asking her out. All I knew going into Season 6 was that I was confident in my choice to not be with Gabby. If “the one” showed up on my doorstep, I knew I still would not be able to confidently take my chance with them because I was still too scared of rejection. The solution was obvious to me. I am not the kind of guy who would ever go to a bar with the specific intention to pick up a woman. Going out with that intention always just felt a little gross to me. But I figured if I went out to a bar with the specific intention of getting rejected, I could build my confidence, so that when someone I wanted to try a relationship with came along, I would feel confident enough in myself to not shoot myself in the foot.
On Saturday, February 4th, 2023, I went to an event benefiting the Down Syndrome Association of Central Ohio (DSACO), with my former roommate Shane and his fiancée Jessica, called the "Dancing With Our Stars Gala." This event became the Season 6 premiere (Dancing With Our Stars). Despite things still being kind of workable at this point with Shane, I was still not really living at my apartment. The next Friday, February 10th, Shane was with Jessica. I went to the apartment, recorded the episode, but I wanted to wait till midnight to post it (so the date that the installment was posted was the same day that is announced on social media). There was a bar right down the street from the apartment, and I had about 4 hours to kill.
I walked into the bar at around 8:15, and it was relatively dead. There was a woman sitting on her own. I had to use the bathroom, and so as I walked by, I shot her a sheepish smile. When I got out of the bathroom, she looked up and motioned for me to come and sit next to her. She introduced herself as McKenna, and she bought me a drink, which kind of caught me off guard. We talked for hours, and we basically told each other our entire life stories. About 10 minutes in, she told me, “Hey Mitchell, you're sweet, but I'm really not looking to date anyone right now. I’m at the tail end of a really bad divorce.”
“Oh no,” I said, “I'm so sorry. I'm not really actually looking for a relationship either right now. And I'm really sorry that you're going through that. Do you want to talk about it?”
She then filled me in on all the details about how her marriage had fallen apart. While there is a lot to that story, the part that is the most important for me is she married her high school sweetheart at 20 and that was 12 years before this. At this time I was going on 26 so while 32 isn't that old, in the head of my 25 years old self, McKenna became this wise sage like being as soon as I found out her age. When she finished talking about herself she said, “So you're not looking for a relationship right now either? Is there anything you need to talk about?”
I then explained the restraining order, and Gabby, and Lauren, The Mitchell Project, and my logic with just trying to get rejected. When I told her what I was doing, she burst out laughing. “I'm so sorry, Mitchell,” she said, “but that's so stupid!”
“Why?” I asked.
“Because you're a really confident person! As soon as I told you that I wasn't looking for a relationship, and you stopped playing this weird game, we’ve been talking for…” She clicked her phone and looked at the time, “An hour and a half. You're good at talking to people, but you get stuck when you're looking for a relationship.”
“Yeah, I know!” I said, “That's the point!”
“But you don't need to traumatize yourself by getting rejected to get over that,” she said, “Instead of asking someone on a date, just ask them to hang out! If it turns into something else, it turns into something else. But I think it'll be easier for you to pivot from ‘I have a crush on you’ to ‘Okay, we're just friends’ As opposed to ‘I have a crush on you’ to ‘Okay, you're my girlfriend now.’ You just need to take the pressure away.”
On March 4th, 2023, Cousin Simple played Newport Music Hall. While I was in the mosh pit, doing some crowd work, Mom ran up and basically threw Paige at me. I had had a crush on her for a few years at this point, and while I was still a little awkward, because let's be honest, your mom chucking your future wife at you is a little bit off-putting, I took McKenna’s advice and asked her to hang out, instead of fully asking her on a date.
On April 26th 2026, the day after Alexander's wedding, I sent a dm to McKenna thanking her. I’m bringing all of this up because I believe Paige is my soulmate, but that doesn’t mean that we would have ended up together no matter what. Like, I’m so happy that we did, but there are so many things that could have gone wrong! I believe that our relationship isn't just about or because of us. It is because of the people who taught us lessons along the way, brought us together, and have supported us throughout our relationship!
Have A Greattastic Day and Be Safe!
J. Mitchie Ulibarri
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