The Rubber Ducky Incident
We have a flat roof over our back patio, and this summer, Mom was growing tomato plants on it. One day it had been very windy, and some of the tomato plants had been knocked over. I was brainstorming what I would write for the Rules For Greattastic Life installment that week when Mom came in and opened the window to water the plants. When she saw the knocked-over plants, she exclaimed, "Aw, poor puppies!" Even though she was referring to the plants, I immediately thought that somehow little dogs had ended up on the roof. I'm very high functioning on the autism spectrum, but there are a lot of times when I still don't understand things as much as I "should."
Case and point: Dad owns an art studio, and if he finds random stuff, he thinks of something that he could use it for. We've had this rubber yellow rain suit for years. Mom recently found it, and Dad asked if she could bring it to the studio. Mom left it out but forgot to bring it with her when she went in. It was supposed to rain pretty heavily that night, and I had to ride my bike to work at six.
This suit came in two parts. The top half was just a yellow rain jacket, but the bottom had a few problems. First of all, they were way too big for me. Second of all, they had suspenders on them, and I didn't know until later that I was supposed to wear the suspenders under the jacket. I got everything on, looked at myself in the mirror, and thought, Yeah, there's no problem with this.
It had been raining pretty heavily when I was getting everything on, but it was only a sprinkle by the time I got to Kroger. So I went into the store to clock in, looking like Georgie from "IT," and people looked at me and snickered. At this point, I realized I'd made a bad fashion choice and had a few very traumatic flashbacks to sixth grade. I checked to see what time I was on carts, and the schedule said I was on right away. I said to myself, "Self, you're going to go on carts, and then you're going to go to the break room, and take this off and forget this ever happened!"
I went outside, and as I was about to bring in my first row, I heard someone call my name from behind me. I turned around and saw my coworker Maya sitting in her car, motioning for me to come over.
"Mitchell," She asked. "Why are you dressed like a freaking rubber ducky?" I let her have her moment of glory and talked to her for another minute before returning it to work. After getting a few more rows of carts, I saw a motorized cart for older people sitting out in the rain. There was a massive puddle in the chair, but I assumed I was waterproof because I was wearing the "ducky" suit.
Unfortunately, as I said before, the pants were too big for me, and the jeans I was wearing were very loose-fitting. So I sat down on the electric cart, my butt displaced the water, and as it rose, it went down both pairs of pants. When the cold water got to my crotch, I jumped up in shock, and it ran down my leg!
I waddled back to Maya (fulfilling the prophecy and becoming a full-on rubber duck) and told her what happened. After I explained it to her, I tried to rationalize my way out of the situation by saying, "I can totally take this off, I'll just tell them what happened!"
"Mitchell," she replied, "You look like The Man with the Yellow Hat! No one is going to believe that story; they'll just think you are saying that to get out of the awkwardness of the situation!"
I decided to stay on carts for another hour until my pants had dried. But as soon as I made that decision, the light sprinkle that had still been going on this whole time stopped completely! So I ended up walking around in this yellow abomination, with no way to take it off, but no reason to be wearing it! Everything ended up alright in the end. It was a problem that resolved itself, but it was very frustrating! I just thought I would tell you because I think it's funny, and these are the sort of things that happen to me.
Have a Greattastic Day And Be Safe!
J. Mitchie Ulibarri
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