Season 2 The Coronapocalypse: Blog 1: Blind Man's Bluff

Blind Man's Bluff

I have never really liked sports. They always end the same way, one team is gonna win, one team is gonna lose. As many of you know I'm the oldest of four boys, and unlike me, the other three have always liked/been involved with sports.

There is a middle school close to my house called Ridgeview. Now Ridgeview has a ton of baseball fields. One of the back fields is located right next to a bridge that goes over a train track. Whenever the boys would have a game at Ridgeview I would just walk around, and not really watch the game. But one day when I was about 13, my brother Luke, had a game at that back most field and mom asked me to come and watch the game.

We had run out of chairs so mom gave me the keys to the car and told me that there was a blanket in the trunk. This would be a decision that mom would soon learn to regret. I walked all the way back to the parking lot, got to mom's honda odyssey, opened the trunk, grabbed the blanket, and started to return. I wasn't looking at where I was going when suddenly a baseball fence just appeared out of nowhere and I ran into it. I stepped backward and tripped over myself and fell on my back.

I laid there, contemplating all the bad decisions that led me to this moment. This is when three beautiful girls stood around me in a circle and looked down. The leader of this group of girls asked me if I was okay, and I blushed. There are so many things I could have said, “Yeah I’m ok… I wasn't looking where I was going.” Or “Yeah I'm fine- I'm just kind of a klutz.” But no, I had to be weird. I don't even know where I came up with the idea to say this, but the words that tumbled out of my mouth were, “Umm… Umm…. Umm… I’m blind.” and they believed me!

So these girls picked me up and started leading me around the ball fields trying to help me find my parents. All the while I’m trying to lead them anywhere, but to the bridge where my parents actually are. At the same time my brother Ryan, and the now lead singer in his band, Will were in the batting cages. Will who was about to throw a ball to Ryan, saw me out of the corner of his eye, turned to look at me, and mouthed “What the heck?!” In response, I winked at him and went on my merry way.

I don’t remember exactly how I got out of this specific situation. I would eventually try to pull off the same thing at a later game, where I totally learned my lesson not to pretend I’m something I’m not. The second time I tried this, hoping that some cute girls might come to my aid, an old concerned lady took me to the first aid station insisting that I must be dehydrated!

A few months ago I was bagging at Kroger. I felt a tap on my shoulder. I turned around, and it was one of my bosses. “Mitchell,” he said pointing, “Could you help that gentleman around the store.” I look where he was pointing and saw that standing at the customer service desk was a blind man…

To be continued

J. Mitchie Ulibarri

New Years Blog 1: I Won A Bet With A CIA Agent

New Years Blog 1:I Won A Bet With A CIA Agent 

Before I actually this blog post I just wanted to update my previous blog, in case you didn’t see my Instagram/Facebook post. Kiera, a 13-year-old who went missing in my community, has been found! Thank you for all the support and please continue to send love and prayers to her family. Without further ado, let's get started.

My family decided that for the week between Christmas and New Years, we would drive down to Florida to see dad's side of the family. This worked ridiculously well for me, for a few reasons. Obviously, I got to see family and a few friends. We went to Epcot which was really fun, and I got to see my friends the Buckleys. An unintended side-effect of going to Florida was I was about to win a blizzard bet!

The girls I grew up with, who I call my “sisters” have had an incredible impact on my life, as you all know. But they're not the only ones in that family who have had such an impact. Their father let's call him Richard, has had a similar impact.

For one thing, Richard is the most sarcastic human being I've ever met. On top of this, he has what he would call in his own words a “sophomoric sense of humor”. If something funny comes into his head, he just says it. The resulting mixture causes some of the most epic dad jokes I've ever heard in my entire life. Being around him so much some of that humor has rubbed off on me.

While Richard’s sense of humor is a huge part of our friendship, we bond over something far bigger. He is an amazing person. Very kind, very understanding, and very humble. He was voted most outstanding Churchman of the year a few years back, and does a lot of charity work, through the Knights of Columbus, and other organizations. I view him as a mentor and someone I can talk to when I make really big mistakes (especially with his daughters, but that's a story for another time).

Richard works at a local bank… At least he claims to work at a local bank. I don't buy that story… I personally believe that he works for the CIA. My reasoning is as follows:

1. He worked as a park ranger when he was younger. I know for a fact he saw a lot of weird stuff, maybe he accidentally solved a case and the CIA was like, “Hey that kids pretty good!”

2. He literally knows everyone- Like if he needs a job done he knows the guy for it. And he's always getting used cars for his kids, from random friends. I feel like all these people he knows, are either people he works with, or people whose lives he has saved, and he is just calling in favors.

I know I have explained the concept of Blizzard bets before, but here's a little refresher. Basically, it's exactly what it sounds like. You make a bet on a Dairy Queen Blizzard.

About 4 years ago I was over at my “sisters” house and I was singing “Here Comes the Sun”. Richard asked me “Who sings that?” I energetically answered the Beatles, and without a second of hesitation Richard responded with, “well why don’t you let them!”

Over the next three years, the same situation happened over and over. By the time 2019 came around, I was starting to build up an immunity to it and in March I started getting really cocky.

“You’re never going to get me, old man!” I said dramatically after he failed in getting me to say it.

“I’ll tell you what Mitchell,” Richard said, “I don’t catch you for by January first I owe you a blizzard. But if I or one of my CIA operatives get you to say who wrote a song then you owe me a blizzard!”

It was 11:58 and I called Richard mostly to gloat. When the clock struck midnight, my family started wishing everyone a happy new year. While all this is going on Richard said over the phone, “see what you can do when you put your mind to it, you beat a CIA agent in a bet!” I chuckled to myself not only because I now have bragging rights, but also because I have an amazing friend and mentor in Richard Anderson. 

Have a Greattastic new year! 

J. Mitchie Ulibarri

Christmas Blog 1: Love and Prayers

Christmas Blog 1: Love and Prayers

I'm in the choir at my church. Every year I sing at the 10 pm Christmas Eve Mass. This year my choir friends and I sang out as we always do and as always, I loved it. Directly after Mass, my family and I drove home. My brothers and I exchanged gifts and then we went to bed excited for the next day!

On Christmas morning we prayed the rosary as a family, and then my brothers and I ran downstairs to open our presents. I got a wristwatch, and a lot of stuff for me to start my podcast. After we had all opened up presents, we thanked our parents and hung out for about an hour. Next, I went over to my “sisters” house and we hung out and enjoyed the rest of the morning together.

Every year for Christmas we go to my Aunt Melissa's house for dinner. There we share some of our family traditions. One of those is the white elephant exchange. For those of you unfamiliar with the game, here is how it works: Everybody brings a few gifts. Usually small things, mostly things found around the house. All the participants sit down and roll dice- five, seven, eleven get you a new gift, doubles, you steel a gift, and snake eyes, you have to give a gift away. Once a gift has been stolen three times, the person who stole it the last time gets to keep the gift.

About 6 years ago my Aunt Cyndi introduced a gag gift. An ugly women's fuzzy white sweater. The sweater has been reappearing every year since! The first year the sweater was “won” by my Uncle Bob. It was so funny to see him receive the sweater, I think it is the memory of that first time that has kept the sweater in rotation to this day. After the adults (including myself) do their white elephant exchange, then the kids do theirs.

Another game that we always play is Blackjack with my Uncle Andy. He is always the dealer. He gives us around $10 to start out with. I'm pretty sure he started playing it with us kids to teach us to never go to Vegas. I’ve never made too much money, but once I'm a little ahead I always drop out so I can keep what I have made. It's really fun to watch everyone else go crazy as he wins his money back!

Christmas and the holidays, in general, is time for family and friends to be together. I was fortunate enough to spend this Christmas with my family. Unfortunately, not all families got to do that. My brother Ryan went to grade school with a girl named Savannah. Her little sister is named Kiera. Kiera is 13 years old and has been missing since Sunday night. She was last seen near Livingston Ave. and Alum Creek Dr. area of Columbus, Ohio, wearing a black Adidas hoodie and leggings. If anyone in the area has information please call the police. I can't imagine what Savannah and her family are going through right now, but I know that they need our support. My family will be sending love and prayers to hers and I hope you will join us.

Be safe. 

J. Mitchie Ulibarri

Right Where We Left Off

Right Where We Left Off

After we picked her up at the airport, Arden, August, Marshall, and I went downtown for about 2 hours.  By the time we had dropped Marshall off at home, and drove all the way back to Clintonville, it was 2:30 a.m!

We didn't want to wake up everyone at their house and ruin the surprise, so Arden slept in my family's guest bedroom. Aspen was flying home from Florida the next day, so we planned on surprising everyone then.

Aspen got home around 12:00 noon. When she texted me that she was home, Arden and I prepared ourselves. We went over the plan one last time, and then we put it into action. I called Arden on my phone, put it on speaker, put it in my pocket and ran next door.

Aspen and Barbara (August, Arden, Aspen, and Kid’s mom), greeted me in the kitchen. Aspen and I screamed and hugged each other. After things died down, they started questioning me about the night before.

“Did you get to go into the control tower?” Barbara asked, suspicious about my story that got us to the airport.

“No, my friend didn't show up.” I said. This made them even more suspicious, because as I stated before we didn't get home till 2:30 a.m. As they started to question me more, I changed the subject, to save the surprise.

“Hey Aspen, I need a video for the blog’s Social Media… Can you video me?”

She got her phone out and started to video. I wrote a song about my friendship with the girls a few years back. It's basically just our story. I change the bridge of this song based on what is happening in our lives at the time.

I started singing the song, and when I got to the bridge I said, “And now she is coming back from Colorado, I would have told you earlier, but we wanted it to be a surprise so…” As soon as I finish the bridge, Arden walked into the house. Everything got really quiet, for a second, and then it got really, really loud!

We would surprise the rest of her family and her best friend that night and the next day respectively. We didn't really do much over the weekend besides be with each other. But that was all I needed…one last hurrah.

I will always be friends with my “sisters” and they will absolutely come up from time to time, but the last 6 months have basically just been me living in the past. Feeling sorry for myself because all my friends are gone, or are about to leave. I think it's time that I stop doing that, branch out and just live my life-  instead of crying because a chapter has ended. Because even though they're gone, whenever we get back together, we can pick up right where we left off.

Have a Greattastic day!

J. Mitchie Ulibarri.

12 O’Clock Midnight

12 O’Clock Midnight

8:52 pm-  Arden texted me and said that she had just gotten back on the plane. I didn't check my phone until after Lily and I finished cleaning the milk cooler about 20 minutes later. I texted her back as soon as I saw it and then I finished the last hour of my shift. During that last hour, Arden never texted me back, so I had to assume that she was in the air. By the time I made that assumption however, it was time for August and Marshall to pick me up. I did not have time to think of a way to stall them, without sounding suspicious.

Flying from Denver to Columbus takes approximately 3 hours. I got in the car and realized how hard the next 2 hours were going to be.  August was up since 3:00 am that morning, so she was tired. She also told me that her parents had started to doubt that my made-up “friend from work”  could to get us into the control tower at the airport.

The whole time we were on our way to the airport, both Marshall and August were asking me if my friend was responding. This was a reasonable question, after all, that’s why we were going. When we got to the airport parking lot August said, “if he doesn't respond in 20 minutes we are leaving.”   We talked the whole 20 minutes away in what felt like two minutes. I still had no plan on how to keep them there. Thank goodness, Marshall had to go to the bathroom!

We drove to the McDonald's across the street and we tried to get in. The store was locked.  Because he’s a guy... I mean, when you got to go you got to go. He started walking around the back of the building and August went back to the car. I followed Marshall because I knew this would be my only chance.

“Marshall” I whispered, “I have to tell you something, but you can’t tell August. Ok?”

“Ok…?”

“Arden is coming, but her flight got delayed!”

Marshall had the biggest smile on his face. When we got back in the car we went through the drive-through, and then we just sat in the parking lot and Marshall and I distracted August for another hour!

It was 11:30 now “Angry August” was out to play. Do you know when Bruce Banner turns into the Incredible Hulk? That was “Angry August”. She started to pull out of the parking lot against our will. Marshall, feeling helpless said that he had to go to the bathroom again. This time he insisted that he had to go inside. She glared at him and reluctantly drove to a hotel visible from the McDonalds.

He stepped out of the car and August warned me that we were leaving as soon as he got back in. So I texted him and told him to stay in as long as possible. We made it to about 11:50 before August yelled, “that's it we are leaving!”

“No, you can’t!” I yelled back as she started to pull away, “he’s your friend!"

“I don’t care, he can Uber home!” but the "friend" comment stopped her. The next 10 minutes was a long screaming match between me and August.

“August just hang on!” I said this trying to stay calm, but inside I was panicking. “My friend is going to pull through we’re going to get into the air traffic control tower and it’s gonna be worth it!”

“It’s almost midnight, there’s no way this is going to work! Shut up!!!!”

Now the day before Arden had been FaceTiming August. Arden had been working extra shifts so she could fly here so she was really tired. Her mind was kind of turned off, and she told August that her friend was taking her to the airport. As soon as she made the mistake Arden covered it up by saying, “oh yeah Sami and I are going to Seattle!” At the time it worked, but after 10 minutes of me yelling, “it’s going to be worth it!” August started to put the pieces together.

“Arden is coming, isn’t she?”

Defeated by now, I said,  “Yes.”

“I’m gonna kill you!”

Literally, a minute after I spilled the beans, Arden texted and told me she was here. I called Marshall, and we drove back to the airport. The whole way there August was still obviously angry. But as soon as Arden walked out of the airport she couldn't do anything but smile. August, Marshall, and I got out of the car and we all started screaming and hugging each other and let me tell you...

It was Greattastic!

J. Mitchie Ulibarri

Breakdown

Breakdown

“Are you excited?” mom asked as she drove me to Kroger last Thursday. Of course, I was excited, I'd been planning this for months. Or rather Arden has been planning this for months. Let me explain: When I was in Colorado visiting Arden, she told me that she was going to come back home for August’s graduation from OSU. We hatched a plan for how we were going to surprise everyone

I would tell hem that I met a girl, and that I asked her out. Then the Thursday before August’s graduation (which was last Thursday) I would hang out with our good friend Marshall after work. I would tell him to go to the airport, where we would pick up Arden. I would then text August and Kid, and tell them that Marshall and I were hanging out with “Natalie” and that she wanted to meet them, and we were on our way to the house. Of course, when we got back everyone would go crazy and it would be awesome!

We had to change the plan a little bit because Marshall’s car had to go to the shop (it's a long story, don't ask). We decided that I would tell August and Marshall that I knew a guy from work, who I told about my “feelings” for Natalie, and that he works part-time at the airport. I would tell them that he thought it would be a cool date if I took her to the air traffic control tower,  and if I wanted to check it out with a few friends I could (I know, not very realistic, but I went with it). Both Marshall and August’s need for adventure would get the best of them and we would be on our way…

Everything was on track until about 8:20 when I got a call from Arden: “Hey Mitchie...my flight has been delayed…and I think it might get canceled.” When I realized that there was a chance that our plan would not happen, I felt really sick. Arden said that she would stay at the airport, and she would text me with details.

I clocked back in and went on my cart shift l. All I wanted to do was scream and cry and just completely shut down. One of my friends at work, Connor saw that I was upset. He couldn’t calm me down, so he went inside to get help, from our other friend Lily.

My boss called me inside and told me to clean the milk cooler. As I was walking back my friend Lily (who was on her break) found me. Just as a refresher, Lily is the girl who I accidentally broke the front door with. “Mitchell, what’s wrong?”

“Nothing.” I said dryly.

“It’s not nothing, I literally have never seen you like this!”

“It’s just August is leaving next month, and Aspen is coming home tomorrow, but  Arden’s flight is delayed and it might get canceled. This weekend was probably going to be the last time we would all be together for a long time…it just sucks!”

Lily hugged and told me that everything would work out. She knew that I knew she was right because most of the time, I’m the positive one between the two of us.

I was originally only going to write two blogs this weekend, but I had to add this one in at the last minute (there will be another one tomorrow). The reason is wanted to add this one is because there is an important lesson here. It’s common for people on the autism spectrum to have “break downs”. Personally, I usually don’t, but obviously, it’s possible. Honestly, I think most people do, but “normal“ people are better at hiding it. As long as you have a good friend to get you through it, everything is going to be alright.

When I was slightly calmer, Lily helped me clean the milk cooler and as this was happening Arden texted me that she was boarding again…

To be Continued

J. Mitchie Ulibarri

Nata-lie

Nata-lie

Trust is a very important thing. It is instilled in us in our youth and is the cornerstone of any stable relationship. Trust is something my “sisters” have always had a problem with- specifically when it comes to me.

As many of you know, the reason I put quote marks around the word sisters, is because they are actually my neighbors. There are four of them: August, Arden, Aspen, and Arlo Anderson (who I lovingly call “Kid”). Growing up our families were really close until a series of events lead me to start lying about the girls. I eventually made up with the girls, but my lying habit was still pretty strong even after that. It took a lot of hard work, but eventually, I stopped lying and rebuilt the trust in my relationship with my “sisters”... However, I believe that in very specific circumstances it is ok to tell a little lie…

The Saturday before Thanksgiving I was at Kroger, working. I’m a courtesy clerk, which is just a fancy name for bagger and cart retriever. When I walked into the store, there was only one line that did not have a bagger. The cashier who was attending that line was a girl named Natalie and let me tell you, she was beautiful! We talked for a little bit, but I didn't really think I made a good first impression. That is until the following Tuesday.

I was bagging for another cashier on the Tuesday before Thanksgiving when there was a small break in people coming to check out. I asked my cashier a question, and we started having a conversation. Out of the corner of my eye, I saw Natalie just staring at me. Ok, Ok I see you, Natalie, I thought to myself. To test out my theory I started saying stupid things in my conversation, and then pretended like they were supposed to be jokes. She laughed at every single thing I said (even though nothing I said was funny).

Arden lives in Colorado as sonographer and Aspen is in Miami Florida for college, and she is in the ROTC program (round of applause). Both of them returned for Thanksgiving and we had the first reunion of the Greattastic Adventurers (guess who came up with the name of our group ;). During our time back together, I told them about Natalie. Now I have met girls at Kroger before… but I always panic and don't ask them out and then they end up in another relationship. My “sisters” convinced me not to make the same mistake this time.

Last Wednesday I ran over to the Anderson's house to tell them some amazing news. “I have a lunch date tomorrow!”

“What!?” August and Kid exclaimed simultaneously, “How?!” I then proceeded to tell them the story: The day before I had been working, and hoping that Natalie would show up. She came about an hour before I was off. I walked up to her, more confident than I've ever been in my entire life.

“Hi, Natalie!” I said.

“Hi, Mitchell!” What's up?” As soon as she said hi, all the confidence drained from my body.

“Well… Ummm… you see… I...I...I  was wondering ...if maybe you wanted ... to hang out... On Thursday… for lunch?”

“Are you trying to ask me out on a date?” she asked, raising an eyebrow.

“Maybe.”

“Yeah sure, I'm free!”

When I had finished with the story, August and Kid started screaming and jumping on the balls of their feet, then they started coaching me through what I should do on the date. But I wasn't really paying attention, because Natalie is not real. I made her up. I mean the word “lie” is literally in her name. I can hear all of you asking “why would you lie about something like that?” The answer is because everyone tells a little white lie, especially when they have a big surprise planned…

To be continued

J. Mitchie Ulibarri