Season 5 Who Am I? Blog 6: Night Ride

 Night Ride

The other night I got ready for bed, said good night to Shane, and got into bed. As I began to doze off, I suddenly realized that I had not ridden my bike since I got my driver's license in the fall of 2020 (Play Another Song). Fueled by impulse, I got out of bed, got dressed, and snuck out into my car.

I drove to Meadow Park Drive and parked across the street from my parent's house. I walked down the driveway and unlocked the shed. Sitting in the middle of the shed, waiting to be ridden was my bike. I hopped on and started my journey.

I went up Meadow Park Drive, past the local high school and the duck pond, and got on the bike trail. As the cool air flowed over me I thought back to before I could drive. I would ride my bike to work, school, and really anywhere else. It was my main mode of transportation and I had forgotten how much I missed it.

I made it downtown and I rode past the Nationwide building. Out of nowhere a car hopped the curb and hit me. I flew through the air, hit the ground, and woke up with a start! Despite the dramatic ending to the dream I haven’t been able to stop thinking about riding my bike and I can’t wait to do it this summer!

Have a Greattastic day and be safe! 

J. Mitchie Ulibarri

Season 5 Who Am I? Blog 5: Freewheeling

 Freewheeling

At the end of the previous installment, I was about to go on a first date with a girl named Gabby. Before we get into the actual date, however, I need to talk about Gabby a bit. Gabby is currently in her last semester of college studying to be a music teacher. She gives private trumpet lessons and about a week before our first date, she played with her classmates at Carnegie Hall!

Originally Gabby and I planned to go ice skating. However, she finished a lesson right when the open skate started on Saturday so she asked if we could do it on Sunday. The problem was that this took place two weeks before Shane proposed to Jessica with help from me, their families, and a musician named Bill. Bill was coming on Sunday to rehearse, so I could not compromise on the day. So Gabby and I decided to go rollerblading on Saturday night instead.

I picked her up at her house and we drove to the roller rink. As soon as we pulled in, we realized our mistake. There was a line of middle/high school kids out the door. “Ugh Teeny-Boppers,” I said. Gabby laughed at my description, and we decided to still go in despite the crowd. We waited in the line for about 15 minutes before we actually got in. We spent that time “small talking” and I tried to flirt, but I think I failed pathetically.

When we finally got in we got our roller blades on, and we started skating. Now I haven’t been rollerblading since I was maybe 10 or 11. From the moment Gabby and I got on the rink something was off about the way I was skating. I just chalked it up to me being rusty.

We made it around the rink three or four times. Gabby was skating closer to the walls and I was closer to the middle of the rink. In the middle of a turn, I suddenly lost control and was barreling towards Gabby. In my mind's eye, I saw myself crash into Gabby, and hit her so hard against the wall that I broke her ribs (or something of that nature). Luckily she saw me coming and moved out of the way so that I barely touched her before I hit the wall.

“What happened!?” Gabby exclaimed.

“I have no idea!” I said.

“Maybe your straps aren’t tight enough.” She suggested. I took her advice, but even after I tightened them something still felt off; in fact, it was worse.

We skated for another 20 minutes and then decided to take a break to get a snack. As we approached the line to order, a man came up behind us. “Sir, sir,” he said to me, “you’re missing a wheel!”

I looked at my rollerblades and sure enough, the wheel on the very back of my right blade was gone. Gabby and I looked at each other and simultaneously realized that the wheel must have been loose when we started, And then it popped out when we made the turn. Without talking to her at all I walked back to get new rollerblades. I didn’t even realize what I was doing till I got back to her. I’m just so used to sitcom level shenanigans happening to me, that it’s normal for me now. And this was not the weirdest thing that happened to me that week so, I just didn't react to the situation… When I got back I saw it on Gabby's face: she realized exactly what she's in for.

Have a Greattastic day and be safe!

 J. Mitchie Ulibarri

Season 5 Who Am I? Blog 4: Don’t Over Think It

 Don’t Overthink It

Over the Fourth of July last year, Marshall, August, Aspen, Kid and I visited Arden in Colorado. While it was the best Fourth of July our group has had in years, we did have one argument…

“I’m just worried…”  Arden explained, “it feels like she’s trying to isolate you. She’s making you feel guilty for being here, she gets mad at you because we’re girls… look, if you want to keep dating her that’s your choice, but I think you're going to suffer in the long run.”

I mean, in Arden’s defense, it was a very toxic relationship. As you might know, within a month of Arden and my argument, Ishana and I broke up and by September, I got a restraining order against her. Though I was hesitant to get back into dating, my friend Noah encouraged me to “Get back out there!” Shortly before I moved out, I dipped my toe in by installing “Facebook dating” because while it's technically a dating site/app, I didn't think I was going to get any matches; because it's Facebook dating. To my surprise, within a day of installing it, I matched with a girl named Gabby.

Now Kid’s Birthday is March 7th. For the weekend of her 18th birthday this year to celebrate, Aspen and her boyfriend, James, came to town from Cincinnati. The plan was for Aspen and James to stay at Shane’s and my apartment. Kid would hang out with us on that Friday night, and after she left, the rest of us would go out to a bar. Kid showed up at 8:24, and I had just enough time to show her around my (at that point) two-week-old apartment before Aspen and James arrived.

We went and got ourselves some bubble tea, went to the local Taco Truck, and then returned to the apartment and hung out for a while. I really enjoyed it because everyone was vibing with Shane and I love introducing new people to each other. Eventually, Kid had to go home, and we decided we would go to a local bar called “Old North Arcade.”

I don't play video games nearly at all anymore, but I was really annoyed that in the town I've lived in my entire life, as a 24 year old I found out that there is a video game-themed bar, seven minutes from my parents' house. Aspen and I played “Dance Dance Revolution” ‘cuz of course we did! We all played a few other games, and I had a drink called “Tonic the Hedgehog” which I thought was a good pun.

When we made it home around 2:00, we blew up the air mattress, and we got ready for bed. When I was ready, I said goodnight to Shane, and then went downstairs to do the same to Aspen and James.

“Big dates tomorrow!” Aspen exclaimed after I hugged her, “Are you nervous?”

“A little bit.” I said, “when Arden and I talked on the phone this week… I told her about Gabby, and she's worried.”

“Mitchie,” Aspen reassured, “Arden is the mom of our group. Of course, she's going to be worried!”

“I know,” I said, “I've been telling myself that, but… I fought her so hard in Colorado over Ishana, and she was right… What if she's right to worry?”

“You're overthinking this!” Aspen said, “It's a first date! It’s not like you go from this straight to marriage. You have a ton of time to figure it out. If it leads to something it leads to something, if not, so be it. Don't overthink it and you'll be just fine tomorrow…”

Have a Greattastic Day and be Safe

J. Mitchie Ulibarri

Season 5 Who Am I? Autism Awareness Day Special: Autistic Masking

 Autism Awareness Day Special: Autistic Masking

Today is Autism Awareness Day and this is the first time in the three years since I've been doing this series that Autism Awareness Day coincides with an installment being posted. In honor of that, I decided to make today's installment a special.

Autism in boys presents differently than it does in girls. In fact, when I was a student at New Story (at the time it was called Haugland Learning Center or HLC), my first girlfriend, Caroline, was one of the only girls in my age group. The main reason for this is because when autism was first discovered, boys were the only ones who were studied.

A big difference between autistic boys and autistic girls is that girls are held to a standard of “masking” more. Masking (at least in terms of autism) basically means covering your autism up and pretending to be “neurotypical.” Think about it, girls are expected to be a lot more social, docile, and compliant in comparison to boys. In other words, boys are able to present the signs of autism more freely while girls are reprimanded for not acting “typical.”

What started happening was, undiagnosed autistic women would have autistic sons. When the sons would get diagnosed, the mothers would do autism research and just go, “This sounds a lot like me.” As a result, there has been a major spike in girls being diagnosed with autism because we're more aware of it now.

I have spent a good portion of my life around other people with autism and consequently, I have developed “an autism radar.” If you have autism, give me two minutes with you and I can usually tell. When I first started working at New Story as a teacher support, I met a couple named, Clo and Lucy. They are also teacher supports. From the moment I met Lucy, my autism radar was going off. I was conflicted for a couple months because I wasn't sure if she knew, and I didn’t know when it would be appropriate to drop that bombshell. Luckily we started hanging out and she confessed to me that she figured it out by working with the kids. I also discovered that Clo is “neurodivergent” as well.

Over the course of this last school year, Clo and Lucy have become good friends of mine and they have helped me with a lot of things (professional or otherwise). From time to time, I will go to Clo and Lucy's house after work. These after-work hangouts usually consist of stimming (hand flapping, squealing, running around, etc.), scripting (repeating words that have been heard from somewhere else… usually from movies or TV shows), and talking about our special interests.

As I depicted in “The Greattastic Adventures: Miracle Child” I jumped into a duck pond to get my brother Ryan’s toy, after his best friend Will, accidentally hyped me up too much. That same day there was an ice cream social at HLC, and I told a couple of students the pond story. They loved it, and I gained the self-confidence that I have today. My working theory has always been that Will and HLC sparked the development of my confidence and then my “sisters” came along and kept my ego in check. While that did happen something else that I missed happened too.

Even though I often forget it, my “sisters” are all neurotypical. What I'm saying is, even though I am completely comfortable with the girls, I don’t stim at 100%. I'm not saying I didn't stim at all, but I do mask a little bit. Since my goal this season is to figure out who I am, I have been asking myself one simple question: Why?

The girls don't care if I stim/script, my family doesn't, and my friends don’t. So why am I masking a little bit around them all? This is the question I ask myself. I'm not saying there's not an appropriate time to mask; at times it is necessary to protect ourselves. But I have decided to stop hiding these bits of myself and let myself be truly comfortable around the people who accept me as I am.

Have a Greattastic Day and be Safe! 

J. Mitchie Ulibarri.

Season 5 Who Am I? Blog 3: Proposal On Gleason Road

 Proposal On Gleason Road

Jessica, Shane‘s girlfriend, was dropped off at our Gleason Road apartment at 6:30 by her mother. They were celebrating their three-year anniversary. Jessica followed a path of pink rose petals to the front door. When she opened the door she saw Shane standing in the living room. The kitchen table that I brought when I moved in was sitting in the middle of the room and a candlelight dinner was ready. The ground was covered in those same pink rose petals and there was a curtain dividing the living room and the kitchen.

“Why is there a curtain?” She asked after they had said their hellos.

“You don’t need to worry about that.” Shane lied.

30 minutes before Jessica arrived, her dad, her siblings, their respective spouses, Shane‘s parents and their neighbor Bill entered our apartment. Bill is a successful local musician. I walked them through what was going to happen. When Jessica arrived at 6:30 everyone would hide in my backyard while Shane and Jessica had dinner. When Shane was ready he would send me a text and I would lead everyone into the kitchen through the back door. While we were coming in Shane would sing “Just The Way You Are” by Bruno Mars. When he had finished that song, from behind the curtain I would play keyboard, Bill would play guitar and we would lead everyone in Elvis's “Can't Help Falling in Love”, and at the second chorus Jessica's brother would hit a button, and the curtain would fall revealing all of us. After “Can't Help Falling in Love”, everyone except Bill and I would enter the living room and Shane would sing, “All of Me” by John Legend. During that song, he would propose and after that together we would all sing “What a Wonderful World” by Louis Armstrong.

Best laid plans, but that's not exactly how it happened… Cuz it's me… Why would this be anything short of ridiculous and complicated? As I had been explaining the plan to the family, I didn’t actually lower the curtain because it would have been a hassle to hang it back up again so I let it hang by bungee cords when I pushed the button for the Kabuki drop (look it up, it’s pretty cool). I hit the button to demonstrate the dramatic drop and then incorrectly clipped the current back in. There was also a weight at the bottom of the curtain and so that it didn't accidentally rip the cord out of my keyboard when I lowered it, I unplugged my keyboard. At the end of my demonstration, Jessica showed up, and we all quickly and quietly left the apartment through the back door.

Shane texted me at 6:55 and I led everyone to the back door. Now I had a lawn chair propping the screen door open so that we could avoid as much noise as possible. I got to the screen door, held it open, and tried to move the lawn chair so people could get in; but I accidentally dropped it causing a loud crash. Everyone went in single file and by the time I got in “Just The Way You Are” was almost over. It was at this point that I realized that I had not plugged my keyboard back in. I stealthily snuck around the curtain, and miraculously managed to get it plugged in without Jessica noticing me.

When we were ready, Bill and I started playing and singing, and when the time came, Jessica's brother hit the button to drop the curtain. Unfortunately, because I had not clipped it incorrectly it didn't drop, but Jessica's dad pulled it down only a few seconds later. As Shane was singing “All of Me” I started to notice his voice was cracking. It confused me at first because he wasn't having this problem when we practiced. But then I realized, he was crying. By the time the ring was out and he was down on one knee, Shane was full-on ugly crying.

I bring this up not to call him out, but I think it's a testament to how much Shane loves Jessica. Shane and I had been planning this since the night I moved in a month ago and after all that practicing, when it came down to the moment that he proposed, he was so full of emotion that he lost control. And I think that's beautiful!

Congratulations Shane and Jessica!

J. Mitchie Ulibarri

Season 5 Who Am I? Blog 2: Essential Question: Who Am I?

 Essential Question: Who Am I?

For high school, I went to The Graham School (TGS). All four years, students would go on internships. The first three years the internships were only on Tuesdays and Thursdays, but seniors would go every day for the second half of the school year. This was called Walkabout. In preparation, the first half of the year, seniors would research what kind of site they wanted to do, update resumes, interview prep, etc.

After a site “hired” the student, they had to write a “Walkabout proposal” and turn it into their parents/guardians, homeroom teacher, and site mentor(s). The proposal provided information about TGS, what led the student to the specific site, and the student’s essential question. An essential question was basically just a question that related to both the student and the site and the goal was to answer the question by the end of Walkabout. For example, mine was: Can I be a teacher for the rest of my life?

In 2019 my “sister” Arden moved to Colorado and my “sisters” August and Aspen were on their way out. After Arden moved, the inevitability of the other two leaving caused me a lot of stress. To cope, I made a three-part plan for me moving forward. Part 1: Survive the girls leaving and the emotional fallout. Part 2: In 2020, make new friends and spend time with them. Part 3: In 2021, ask one of the previously mentioned new friends to be my roommate.

Obviously, Covid interfered with my plans a bit, but what is important for the sake of this installment is not how the world stopped, but what happened when it slowly started back up. It started on April 24th of last year when I officially became a published author. Then on May 20th, I started dating a girl. At the end of June, I was a groomsman in my “brother” Greg's two weddings (Nigerian and Western). The next weekend my “sisters”, myself and my best friend Marshall, stayed with Arden in Colorado for the 4th of July. Upon returning from Colorado, I started my job at New Story as a teacher support.

On August 5th, I broke up with the girl that I had been dating and she went crazy. She started harassing me through text, email, and social media, and she even showed up at Kroger where I worked a couple of times. This whole thing went on for about a month until I finally changed my number, and got a restraining order. After that I quit Kroger after four years and almost immediately after quitting, I moved in with my former coworker Shane. In summary, I spent a year doing nothing followed by a year of being incredibly busy and I have been experiencing a lot of whiplash as a result.

Now Shane also went to TGS and when we first met we bonded over that fact. After a particularly intense session of reminiscing when I first moved in, I went to my Google drive and I started looking through my walkabout stuff. I found my proposal and I was inspired. I have always based each season of Rules for a Greattastic Life on the goal I am trying to reach that season. I think I'm going to start framing them as essential questions from this point on. My essential question for this season is “Who am I?” My reasoning is I think I need to get to know myself a little better after the events of the last two years before I try to reach any more major goals.

One last note, the season finale of season 2 was called “Don't Wait.” Covid had just hit and I wrote that installment not only to try to give people hope but to tell the future me to learn from the lockdown we were all currently in and never wait to do anything. In that spirit, even though the main point of this season is for me to take a little break and do some self-discovery, I'm still going to be trying to get started on some other long-term goals.

Have a Greattastic day and be safe!

J. Mitchie Ulibarri

Season 5 Who Am I? Blog 1: Out Of Body Experience

Out Of Body Experience

I woke up at 4:30 a.m. in a room I did not recognize. My heart started racing, and I started to panic. The only logical explanation was that I had been kidnapped! I sat up in bed ready to fight whatever dangers laid beyond the door… My anxiety drifted away as my own voice echoed in my head, Goodbye Meadow Park it's been fun!

“Oh right!” I said laying back down, “I live here now!”

I woke up again at about 10:00 and I got ready to take a shower so that I could go to noon Mass. Now the shower at my apartment has three knobs, while the shower at my parents' house only has one. I wish that I could say that I am competent enough to take a shower without my roommate, Shane, thinking that I'm being murdered, but unfortunately, that would be a lie.

The next day was Presidents Day, and since I didn't have to go to work at the school, I went to Kroger to buy essentials. This was strange because it was the first time that I had been to Kroger since I quit, as well as the fact that I was now completely buying my own stuff.

Honestly, I'm kind of struggling to write the rest of this installment… And I think that's the point. Not a lot of “blog/podcast worthy” stuff has happened yet. I've mostly been doing mundane things… but it's weird cuz they don't feel mundane.

I think they don't feel that way because everything is a first. The first time I did the dishes at my house, or paid the rent, or had someone over… It was all normal, but it didn't quite feel real. It's only now after two weeks of living here on Gleason Road, that this out-of-body experience is ending. With it over, I feel that my life on my own has truly begun!

Have a Greattastic day and be safe! 

J. Mitchie Ulibarri

Before I end this installment I want to talk about the situation in Ukraine. It’s hard for me to put into words what I’m feeling. It's such a horrible thing and obviously, I've never experienced anything like that so it feels inappropriate to say anything hopeful or reassuring like I usually would…I guess all I have to say is my heart goes out to the Ukrainian people. I ask that you join me in taking a moment of silence for the people suffering, and for all the lives that have been lost….