Season 4 Step 1 Blog 5: Can You Please Teach Me How To Dance?

 Can You Please Teach Me How To Dance?

I have talked about my cousin Austin from Orlando, Florida, before. He went to college here in Ohio, and after he graduated, he moved to Columbus for a job. I have not talked about Austin's sister, Paige. Paige has been in a serious relationship with a guy, who's name ironically is also Austin. I spent Valentine's Day 2021 with my "sisters" Aspen and Kid. That weekend was when the previous installment, "Groomsman," about my friend Greg asking me to be in his wedding came out. I worked the next morning, so I wanted to upload the podcast version of "Groomsman" that night, so I didn't have to do any work in the morning. As I was preparing to upload it, I got a text from Mom informing me that Paige had gotten engaged!

The following weekend Aspen, Marshall, and I drove to Pittsburgh to visit my other "sister," August. We left Friday night at 10:20, shortly after Aspen got off work. We arrived at August's house at 2:18 a.m., and after 30 minutes, we were all asleep. Aspen and I ended up sleeping in August's roommate's room because she was not there. When I woke up at 11:30 on my air mattress next to the bed, I lay there for as long as possible until I had to get up because I did not want to wake her up. As I stood up, the floor creaked, and Aspen sat up in the bed.

After everyone else woke up, we ate a late breakfast and headed out to explore Pittsburgh. First, we ended up at a shop called "Global Market Retail." It had cool stuff from all around the world, including a flute from India, which I decided to buy so I have another instrument I can learn how to play. After that, we went to a place called "Dobra," which is a tea house. I usually don't like tea, but I tried their chai tea, and it was amazing! As we sat and drank our tea August told us that she had invited her neighbor, Corrine, up for drinks later that night. When we got back to August's place, we turned on music, made mojitos, and August texted Corrine to come up.

When Corrine came in, August introduced us all, and we all sat down and started talking. Corrine sat right next to me, and as we spoke, the light in the room reflected off her hand and caught my eye. I realized that she was wearing an engagement ring, which reminded me of Paige's engagement and Greg's imminent wedding.

Eventually, a good song came on, and we started dancing. I'm not the world's best dancer, but I'm certainly not the worst. However, whenever Aspen is in the room, I try to copy her because she is the best dancer in our group. As I attempted to mimic her every move, I started thinking about how there's no way I'm going to survive dancing at these weddings without her.

"Hey," I said, "I know I've asked you this before, but can you teach me how to dance? I'm going to be a trainwreck at the weddings."

"Yeah," Aspen replied, "You know you're going to have to dance with one of the Bridesmaids right?"

"I'm sorry, what now?" I asked.

"Yeah, you'll walk her down the aisle, and at the reception, you'll do a dance together!" Aspen explained.

"Hhhhow did I not know about that?"

The girls laughed at my confusion, and then Aspen started giving me some tips. She told me that I tried to make it too much of a show (which admittedly is in character), and I need to be a little more subtle. Over the last week, I've practiced a little bit, and I've seen a considerable improvement! I'll be ready for Greg's wedding in June…

Have A Greattastic Day and Be Safe!

J. Mitchie Ulibarri

Season 4 Step 1 Blog 4: Groomsman

 Groomsman

I have talked about my brothers, Ryan, Luke, and Josh, and childhood neighbors, August, Arden, Aspen, and Arlo (Kid) Anderson, who have become my "sisters." However, I have not talked about my other neighbor, who I think of as a sibling. Let's call him Greg.

The Anderson's are my neighbors to the right, while Greg was my neighbor to the left. I first met Greg at our yearly summer block party on our street in first grade. It wouldn't be until a few days later that I would figure out that he lived directly next door to me and not elsewhere on the street. We were friends during our grade school years, but I think it's safe to say we didn't hit our stride until our middle school years. Throughout our friendship, Greg introduced me to Star Wars, The Marvel Cinematic Universe (for those unaware, those are the Avengers movies), Lord of the Rings, Super Mario, The Legend of Zelda…basically he unlocked my inner nerd!

When Greg graduated high school, he was accepted to Cornell University in New York, and while he was there, he met a girl. I have met his then-girlfriend a couple of times. She made an excellent impression because she's an incredible person. Still, on top of that, I can tell that he is incredibly happy! I have known for a while that they were thinking about getting engaged, but it took some time.

Back in September 2020, my friend Marshall and I were at my house. He was studying, and I was writing. I had a bad case of writer's block, so I whipped my phone out and started scrolling through Facebook. It didn't take me long to find the post that officially announced that Greg was engaged! I waited for Marshall to go home, and then I called Greg to congratulate him. We talked for about 15 minutes, and I asked him what he was coming back into town. He said he was coming back on the 14th of December to visit his dad for Christmas.

On Thanksgiving, I texted Greg to wish him a happy holiday and ask him if things were still on for the 14th. He told me things were still on for the 14th, but he was also coming into town that the following week for a few days. He also told me that he had something to ask me. I knew his question probably had something to do with the wedding. Still, I was annoyed that I had to wait the entire weekend before I got confirmation.

The following Monday, Greg decided to pick me up and not have me drive anywhere to meet him because it was snowy and I hadn't driven in the snow yet. When he picked me up, we landed on going to Panera. We got inside, ordered our food, and sat down. We talked and caught up for about an hour before he asked, "So, do you want to be a groomsman in my wedding?"

"Uh, Yeah!!!" I responded excitedly.

I'm so excited about this wedding for a couple of reasons. Number one, this is the first wedding of one of my friends and the first wedding I'm going to be in (outside of when I was little)! Second of all, I don't expect 2021 to bring its "A-game"; I just want some positive trends. A wedding is a pretty positive thing, don't you think?

Have a Greattastic Day and Be Safe!

J. Mitchie Ulibarri

Season 4 Step 1 Blog 3: Death Sentence

 Death Sentence

From my experience, I can tell you that growing up with autism and not being diagnosed can cause many problems. Peers of an undiagnosed child with autism think the child is weird for the sake of being weird. There is no way to tell other children, "Hey, I'm not weird, I just have this thing, I don't understand social norms the way you do. Stop bullying me!"

However, the part that I think can be far more damaging in the long-term is the diagnosis itself. I believe an Autism diagnosis has the potential to be a death sentence. To explain that, I have to explain how the autism spectrum works. People think that it is one line that goes from one end to another. At one end are the "high" functioning people, and on the other end are the "low" functioning people. People get wrong about the spectrum because it is not supposed to chart how autistic a person is; instead, it shows us how autistic specific characteristics are. In other words, I am not on the spectrum I have characteristics that are.

The problem is people who are low functioning are frankly easier to spot in everyday life. In general, people act like the term low functioning means "low functioning in life," not "person with low-functioning autistic traits." On top of that, most high functioning people are depicted in pop culture as super-geniuses. So as an autistic person, no matter when you're diagnosed, your people will only see you as someone who can't take care of themselves or Sheldon Cooper.

In my case, I was diagnosed right before 7th grade. Before that, I got bullied, and it was traumatic, but at least adults thought I was cute. When you are a kid, there is no pressure on what you need to do with your life. Yeah, I was a little weird, but it was way more endearing because it was a phase. As soon as it was no longer a phase, people started treating me like I probably wouldn't be successful because I was obviously no super genius. I would probably never have a job, probably never get married, or have kids. Any friends I had would probably leave, and I would likely end up living with my parents for the rest of their lives, and then I would die alone.

I know for a fact that people didn't intend for me to feel like this is how they felt about me, but it was the vibe I was getting, intentional or not. I don't want to speak for anyone else, but I'm not the only autistic person who has experienced this, from what I can tell.

I don't want to spend my life acting like I can't do anything because of my autism. I want to go out there and make something for myself and prove to people I can do it! Step one in my plan for how to do that is to move out of my parents' house. In preparation, I have already taken on more hours at the Kroger grocery store where I work. I am tentatively planning to move out of my parents' house in the fall or failing that early 2022.

Have a Greattastic day and be safe!

J. Mitchie Ulibarri

Season 4 Step 1 Blog 2: Social Grace

Social Grace

A little over a year ago, I helped a blind man named Noah around the Kroger grocery store where I work. When we had finished shopping, he asked for my Facebook information, and we started hanging out shortly after that. I learned that he was a musician, and we started playing music together.

On the week of Christmas, I planned to go to Noah's house to practice a new song. Unfortunately, because everyone in my family (except me) got Covid that week, I couldn't see Noah until the 17th of January because he had to work out of town. Since the last time you, the audience, heard about Noah, a couple of things have changed. The first thing is Noah moved into a bigger apartment. It's a nice place, and there is a lot more room for us to goof around while we're practicing. The second thing is Noah started dating a girl named Lori.

I stopped hanging out with Noah for a little bit as he moved into his new apartment because too much was going on. The first time we hung out again, we had lunch, and Lori dropped him off at the restaurant. I don't count that as actually meeting her because the only thing we did was introduce ourselves. On the 17th, while we were practicing, I asked Noah when I was officially going to meet Lori. Later in the week, I got a voice memo from Noah explaining that Lori would be in town the next weekend, and we could go out to dinner on Saturday.

Lori and Noah picked me up because the Northstar restaurant we were going to was right up the street from my house, so they were already in the area. Around 6:00, Luke and Josh saw Noah and Lori on our doorbell camera, and they told me that they were here. Lori started driving us up the street, and then I realized I had forgotten my mask, so we had to go back to my house.

We finally arrived at Northstar, and after we placed our orders and sat down, I realized a sobering truth. Throughout my entire life, I have had trouble holding conversations with people I don't know, I attribute this to my autism. It hasn't been as much of a problem in my adult life because I'd built up social grace over my 22 and 1/2 years before Covid. Unfortunately, nearly a year into this thing, all of that social grace is gone! Now, this is not to say I was uncomfortable talking to Lori. On the contrary, she is the kind of person I would be friends with even if she weren't dating one of my established friends, and I can tell she's a perfect fit for Noah. It was a lot harder for me to talk to her than it should have been, and it blindsided me.

I'm just so glad that Noah was with me when I happened to come to this realization. Whenever the conversation would lag, Noah didn't let it get awkward. Instead, he would steer the conversation in a direction where he knew I could stand on my own, and the night went smoothly from then on.

Have a Greattastic day and be safe!

J. Mitchie Ulibarri

Season 4 Step 1 Blog 1: Cousin Simple Returns

 Cousin Simple Returns

As I've mentioned a few times, my brother Ryan is the lead guitarist in the band Cousin Simple. On February 29th, 2020, Ryan and his bandmates, Will (Frontman), Mitch (Pianist/Ukulele), and Joel (drummer) played their 100th show. Mom's college roommate was coming into town for the show. Shannon, and her husband, Tim, got to my house on Meadow Park Drive, at about 5:30.

Fifteen minutes later, my parents, Shannon and Tim, my other brothers Luke and Josh, and I drove to a pizza place in downtown Columbus. At the pizza place, we met up with Will's parents, Mitch's parents, a few people from Mom's side of the family, as well as Mom and Dad's college best friends, Ron and Anita Wallace. We ate dinner and talked until 8:00, an hour and a half before Cousin Simple was scheduled to play.

We walked into the A&R bar where Cousin Simple was playing and went to the very back and I put my coat behind the merch table. Mitch's sister, Tessa, and his cousin, Rachel, were running the merch table. I talked to them for a few minutes before my friend Marshall texted me and told me he was at the door because I had his ticket. I ran to the door, got Marshall in, and introduced him to the members of my family and friends that he had not met yet. After another hour, I got a text from a friend from grade school named Anna, who told me that she had arrived with her parents, and a friend.

Another friend joined our group, and we spent the next 30 minutes working our way through the crowd of fans to get as close to the stage as possible. At 9:29, I saw Luke and Josh on the stage where they put the last few things into position, and the band slowly walked on. Will's sister Helen turned on the lights, and the boys started playing.

Over the next hour, Cousin Simple played original songs such as "Song to Emma," "Strangers," "Honeybee," "Star Destroyers," and many others. The crowd danced to the music the whole time, mirroring the boys' energy on stage. A week later, on March 7th, Marshall, and I flew to Colorado to surprise my "sisters." immediately when we returned to Ohio, the governor shut down schools because of COVID-19. In other words, the last thing I did in my home state pre-covid (besides work) was go to that Cousin Simple show.

Cousin Simple did a few things over the quarantine. I orchestrated a zoom concert with Will and Sam's Fans in late April. The entire band did an Instagram live through WNCI, a local radio station, in support of the class of 2020. Lastly, the boys wrote new music and Joel left the band.

As I stated in the Christmas special, on the week of Christmas, everyone in my family except for myself, tested positive for Covid-19. I ended up in the attic, where I Isolated from my family.

At midnight on January 8th, 2021, Cousin Simple released their newest song, "We Know." As I listened to the song from the attic, I got excited! Suddenly the last big thing that happened for Cousin Simple didn't happen at the end of February; it was happening now, and I had to take that as a good sign! It's no secret that 2020 wasn't the best year, and I'm not expecting 2021 to bring its "A” game. The only thing I want from 2021 is to see some positive trends, and I genuinely believe that this is the start of one!

Have a Greattastic day and be safe!

J. Mitchie Ulibarri

You can listen to “We Know” and all of Cousin Simple’s other songs on Spotify or wherever you listen to your music. You can find them on social media as Cousin Simple on Facebook, Instagram, and @cousinsimple_ on Twitter!

Christmas Special 2020: Bright Side Of Life

 Bright Side Of Life

I'm not going to lie; I had high hopes for Christmas and New Years this year. And while my New Years plans still seem to be intact, Christmas was not what I was expecting. My "sisters", August and Arden planned to come back from Pittsburgh and Colorado on Christmas Eve. I planned to spend as much time as possible with them since I've only seen August once since she moved, and I haven't seen Arden since early fall.

Every year we get together with Mom's side of the family to make my great grandma's Christmas cookie recipe. Because of the virus, the group was a lot smaller this year. We made our cookies the Sunday before Christmas, and we were all ready to enjoy the holiday. Unfortunately, 2020 did what 2020 does.

On the Monday before Christmas, I woke up only a few minutes before Mom left for work. I went downstairs, said goodbye to her, and started working on some final edits for the book I'm planning to publish next year. My brothers Luke and Josh came home around 3:00. Now the family nicknames for Luke and Josh are "Heckle and Jeckle" because they cause shenanigans. Knowing that I couldn't get any work done with them around, I retreated to my room. Around 5 p.m. I got a call from Kid, who asked me to come over. I went over to the house and spent the rest of the night with Kid, her parents, and Aspen. The next morning I went to Kroger, worked my shift, and Mom called me when I got home.

To make a long story short, my other brother Ryan, who made cookies with us, had tested positive for Covid. A few days later my entire family was tested, and I happened to be the only one who tested negative. Because I still wanted to see the girls, I had quarantined myself in the attic since I heard the news of Ryan’s positive test. The attic has its own heating unit and full bathroom, so I'm completely isolated from my family, except when they bring me food which they leave at the bottom of the steps.

On Christmas Eve, I attended Mass virtually and then called Dad's high school best friend's family, and I wished them a merry Christmas. On Christmas morning, I woke up to a tiny lit Christmas tree near the stairs and I got a group FaceTime call from my family downstairs. We prayed the Rosary, as we do every Christmas morning. After that, I watched them open presents, then they sanitized mine and set them on the stairs for me to gather and open.

The rest of the day consisted of texting, FaceTimes, and calling family and friends, and playing a lot of guitar! The night ended with a zoom call with Mom's side of the family. We talked and sang Christmas carols for nearly two hours before we went to bed. I'm not going to say it was the best Christmas I've ever had, but all things considered, it wasn't too bad. If 2020 has reinforced anything for me, It's the idea that everything can always get worse, so no matter how hard it is, you have to try your hardest to look on the bright side of life!

I hope you had a Greattastic Christmas! 

Stay safe. J. Mitchie Ulibarri

Season 3: The Empire of Friends: Finale Part 2: A Story About Friendship

 A Story About Friendship

Luckily, another coworker noticed that I was struggling with reorganizing the salads and helped me out. Despite the alleviation of that stress, however, the sadness that I felt about Lily was still very present by the time I got off work. As soon as I got into my house, I got a text from an old friend...

I first mentioned Max back in Season 1. I met him at Haugland Learning Center, a school for kids on the autism spectrum that we attended, and where I am employed in less “Covidy” times! He was in one of my classes, and we hit it off right away! Max is at the very beginning of most of my stories about where I am today. He is part of the reason my "sisters" and I became friends after years of fighting, and he also set me on the path to working at Haugland.

Because we are both autistic, it was effortless for us to connect as it is for most people I meet on the Spectrum. But the thing that brought us together was his nickname for me. One day Max was having a meltdown, and I intervened. He gave me the nickname Dr. Mitch, and I continued to help him help throughout our time as students at Haugland.

Every year Haugland has a talent show. In my first year at the school, Max sang “We Are The Champions”, and everybody loved it. The second-year, he did "Ghostbusters," and while It was still excellent, it wasn't as bombastic as before. So for the third year, he and I teamed up and did a stand-up act. We practiced for hours and hours on these jokes, and while now I have to admit that they weren't as funny as I thought they were, we still had fun doing it!

When I left Haugland, Max and I grew apart. We didn't reconnect until February of 2019, at his birthday party. While I promised myself that I would stay in contact with him, between that February meeting and the beginning of the lockdown, I only saw him twice.

Weeks before the ball dropped, marking the start of 2020, I knew what my New Year's resolution was: by December, I would have a new friend group. At that time, August was preparing to do an internship in Utah, Arden had just recently moved to Colorado indefinitely, and Aspen was going to school in Miami, Florida. The only person from my childhood friend group left was Kid, who was just about to turn 16. I love Kid to death, but it was very obvious to me that I couldn't just have her as a friend.

I had a good start at building my "Empire of Friends." I had Marshall to begin with, and my now bandmate Noah, and a girl I went to grade school with named Anna. I planned to build my relationship with those three and through them meet new people and make new friends. But then Covid came and ruined those plans.

As I looked at Max's text, I thought about all the people I haven't seen since March. I realized at that moment that I was wrong about building a new friend group- I didn't need to. This "Empire of Friends" I've been searching for has been right in front of me the whole time!

 Have a Greattastic Day and Be Safe!

J. Mitchie Ulibarri.

Rules For A Greattastic Life will return for Christmas!