Season 5 Who Am I? Blog 19: Mitchmas (25): The Mitchell Project (Part 2)

 Mitchmas (25): The Mitchell Project (Part 2)

My 25th birthday was just last week and for a long time, my birthday has been referred to as Mitchmas! The weekend that Lauren’s other guy was in town, was the week before Mitchmas. That same weekend, My “sisters” started their week-long family vacation. Since Mitchmas fell on a Friday and their vacation ended that same day, my “sisters”, (minus Kid) Marshall, James, and I planned to go out after my family dinner.

After I drove home from work, I drove to Noah’s apartment (which is about a block away from mine and Shane’s) and we waited for Lori to arrive. Once she did, we hung out for a while, and then we left to meet my family for dinner at Buca di Beppo. When we arrived I learned that my childhood neighbors Stephen, Robin, and their daughter Megan were coming too!

After dinner we went to my parent’s house, the girls, Marshall and James showed up, I opened presents and we had some cake. By the time we had actually gone out, it was around 11:30. We went to a bar called Julep first. After a few drinks, we decided to go to a club called Seesaw that August has been suggesting since 2019. On the walk there Arden asked me, “Hey Mitchie, what happened with Lauren?”

I started to catch her up on what she had missed, but I didn’t have time to finish before we got to Seesaw and it was way too loud to finish the story inside. When we left at 2 AM I continued the story and finished when we got to the car. At some point during the drive back to our parents’ houses, I said, “Well, back to the dating apps!”

The girls openly objected, but because it was so late and we were all kind of tired, they knew that we weren’t gonna get anywhere that night. As I depicted in “The Greattastic Adventurers: Miracle Child” my “sisters” and I spent a lot of time-fighting in our childhood. In the book, I only imply that there was a resolution to the main fight of the story. The way we resolved the issue was by making a contract that we all had to sign.

The day after Mitchmas, Marshall and I went to my “sister's” parent’s house. When we got there my “sisters” decided to defend their reasoning on why I shouldn’t go back on to dating apps. They looked up, “what happens to the male body after turning 25!” The girls were poking at my ego… Not to be cruel, but to prove a point.

I tend to base my self-worth on the people around me. Basically, when people are around I’m the most confident person in the room, but when it’s just me, I tend to focus on all the negative things about me. While my goal for the season is to figure out who I am, the point that the girls were making was that I’ve been looking for it in all the wrong places. From the very beginning of this season, I threw myself into a relationship with Gabby in an attempt to find out who I am based on that relationship and after that ended I tried to do the same with Lauren.

After thinking about it a little more I realized that the girls weren’t wrong. I asked them what I should do. We decided that I should start working on myself and they would be my accountability partners. Kid sat down, and in beautiful calligraphy wrote up a contract/list of things that I should work on during my 25th year. The list reads as follows:

The Mitchell Project

1. Work out 4-5 days per week

2. Listen to podcasts

3. Set intentions/daily affirmations

4. Experiment with style

5. BE INTENTIONAL!!

6. Time management/limit screen time

Have a Greattastic day and be safe 

J. Mitchie Ulibarri

Season 5 Who Am I? Blog 18 The Other Guy (Part 1)

 The Other Guy (Part 1)

As I’ve mentioned before I broke up with my most recent girlfriend Gabby on my family's summer vacation this year (Swimmer's Ear). I have also talked about the fact that the break-up unearthed a few insecurities (Come To My Office).  While I knew I wanted to fix those insecurities, I didn't really know how. Another thing that I haven't talked about yet, but I feel is important, is my relationship with Gabby was essentially just a crush… I never fell in love with her. This makes it even more complicated because I don't know why I'm sad since I don't miss her romantically.

I know I've talked about this a lot, but my relationship before the one with Gabby, ended with me getting a restraining order. Well, she and I broke up on August 5th of last year. At the end of July with the anniversary of that break-up, the stalking, and all of the other trauma I experienced coming up, I got really upset. That fused with my insecurities about the Gabby situation and caused me to spiral. I decided that the best way to cope with the spiral was to get back on the dating apps (cuz that's healthy).

Almost immediately, I matched with a girl named Lauren. I asked Lauren what her favorite kind of music was, and she said that alternative rock was one of them. I told her that my brother is in a fairly successful alt-rock band. She asked for the band’s name, I told her Cousin Simple, and this led to the reveal that Lauren's sister almost went to prom with Ryan! We continued messaging and I found out that she knows a ton of people that I know from grade school cuz she went to high school with them. I thought to myself, if she was crazy on any level, because of our mutual connections I would have at least heard about it at this point! Feeling confident and safe, I decided to ask her on a date.

On Monday, August 8th, Lauren and I met up at a restaurant. We had decided just to meet at the restaurant’s bar, get a few drinks, and get to know each other. Now I'm a bit of a lightweight and I still needed to drive home. We both finished our second drink and when the bartender came back around, Lauren asked for her third. The bartender looked at me, and I asked for a water. When Lauren asked why I was getting water, I said, “Well, with this ending soon…”

“Awww, you want this to end soon?” she interrupted.

“I mean no,” I replied, “but I need to start coming down so I can drive home without dying!”

The more alcohol that I consume, the more autistic I get because I'm not as worried about masking my autism (not that I worry about it a lot anyway). So when I said, “I need to start coming down so I can drive home without dying!” I was a little more jumpy than I had been before.

“You were a little far away when you said that…” she said.

I looked at her and said, “Do you want me to come closer?”

After we kissed, we both felt a little more confident, so we started talking a bit more openly. During this time she asked me if I was seeing anyone else. “No,” I replied, “are you?” There was in fact another guy. I wasn't uncomfortable with that as dating around is normal… The issue was this guy lives in Pittsburgh and because they had never met before he was coming to Columbus on Wednesday and staying until Sunday. Lauren said that it was between me and this guy and she would choose the next week.

I met up with her one more time before she met this other guy and we texted sporadically, while they were hanging out. I kind of got the feeling that she was leading me on. They ended up having a fight in the middle of the weekend so he left early. Despite that, however, my suspicions were confirmed when she told me the next week that she was not interested in a relationship with me. Now obviously Lauren doesn't owe me a relationship, but I was upset that she didn't come out and say that she wasn't interested earlier, since it was so obvious. I'm not saying any of this to attack Lauren, she's actually a really nice person and I could see us being friends. The only reason I bring any of this up is so you understand how I was feeling leading into my birthday…

To be continued…

Season 5 Who Am I? Blog 17: After 2 Years

 After 2 Years

Towards the end of last school year, I returned to my High School and did some public speaking. In the installment I did about that event, I introduced you to Dr. Brooks. As a refresher, Dr. Brooks' son is one of my brother Luke's best friends, and when I started Rules for a Greattastic Life in 2019 she heard about it. She asked if I wanted to speak at her university class that teaches aspiring teachers about inclusive practices. I said yes and that started my public speaking career, as well as Dr. Brooks’ and my mentor-mentee relationship! Now, you may be asking, “If Dr. Brooks has been your mentor since you started Rules for a Greattastic Life, why are you just now introducing her 5 Seasons later?”

I spoke in her class for the first time in May of 2019 and, at the time, I did not have my driver's license, so Dr. Brooks drove me back to my parents house after my presentation. “You know,” I said to her on the drive, “I've been considering using Rules for a Greattastic Life, and any books that I write to jumpstart a public speaking career!”

Noting the positive feedback that she received from her students about my presentation and my desire to do public speaking, she later offered for me to come and speak in her class again. The summer after my first presentation, I dropped out of college, but I still wanted to be a teacher. While I would get my current job soon after, there were a couple months there where I didn’t think I would make it into education. I told Dr. Brooks about my challenges and she offered to help me update my résumé and support me with my next steps in entering the world of education.

We met up at Panera and after we had finished working Dr. Brooks asked, “Do you know what OCALICON is?” When I asked her to tell me more, she talked about how OCALI stands for the Ohio Center for Autism and Low Incidence disabilities. It is a local nonprofit organization with the mission of, “inspiring change and promoting access to opportunities for people with disabilities.” OCALICON is an annual convention sponsored by this organization with speakers to promote awareness about students with autism and low incidence disabilities. In fact, my friend Noah spoke at OCALICON in 2017 and 2018.

Dr. Brooks talked about the positive impact that my presentation had in her class and proposed that we do some research to look at how the presentation would affect the learning of students in her class. She would set this up and collected some data. Using the research we could apply to speak at OCALICON 2020. Since OCALICON happens over three days, the plan was that I would spend the time when I was not speaking, mingling with other attendees and presenters to get my foot in the door. I thought it was an amazing idea and agreed!

For obvious reasons, OCALICON did not happen in 2020. And, while we did not get accepted to speak for the 2021 conference I can finally say after two years we will be presenting there this fall!  The title of our presentation will be, “Using Contact-Based Interventions to Create Inclusive Learning Spaces.” We also have a grad student (who just so happens to be Noah's soccer coach, Katie) presenting with us, as well! Maybe someday, we’ll write about it, too, but I’ll let you know when and if that happens.

While I'm slightly disappointed that it's an online event, I'm very excited to even have the chance to do it! OCALICONLINE will happen November 15th through the 18th 2022. More information about the conference can be found at https://conference.ocali.org/

I don't know what day our segment will be posted yet, but I will let you know when I have that information!

Have a Greattastic day and be safe! 

J. Mitchie Ulibarri

Season 5 Who Am I? Blog 16: War Of The Roommates

 War Of The Roommates

I haven’t been entirely honest with you for a couple of reasons. Firstly, after I made such a big deal about moving out, I didn’t want to add any confusion. Secondly, and more importantly, I didn’t want to be rude.

When Shane and I first started talking about moving in together, his parents wanted to talk to mine as a result of a bad situation with his previous roommate. One of his moms called my mom, to ask/answer some questions, and set up a date for us to see the apartment. When the call came through, I sat next to Mom listening in on the conversation.

“We are going to have staff come in and help out!” Shane‘s mom explained.

My first week living there no staff came in to help. Okay, I thought, maybe they come every two weeks. Three weeks into me living there, however, staff had still not shown up.

“Hey,” I asked one night, “I was told that you have staff… do you know when they’re coming?”

“Oh, I don’t need staff,” he said, “I have you!”

I wasn't comfortable with that statement, but at the beginning of the following week, Shane proposed to his girlfriend of three years, Jessica, and I was both a musician for the proposal and the event coordinator. After the proposal had happened there was nothing to distract me, and Shane and I started having problems. I really felt like there was a lot of pressure on me, to take care of the apartment and Shane, and I felt like I didn't have any privacy.

Partially because of my ear infection/my most recent breakup, and partially because of my situation at home, I stayed with my parents when we got back from Norris Lake. I would only ever go home if I needed something, or if I needed to record a podcast. In my previous installment, I said, “The original plan for the 4th of July weekend was for everyone (my “sisters,” Marshall, and James) to stay at my apartment, but then there wasn’t enough space for that.” While that was a factor, the main reason was because Shane and I had gotten into another fight.

After we decided to go to Cincinnati for the fireworks on the 4th, I went to my apartment to pack. While I was packing, Shane got home after spending some time with Jessica's brother. As I was getting ready to leave, he and I started fighting again, and I ended it by saying, “Look, I was told that there would be staff in here before I signed the lease! I'm feeling overwhelmed and while I will be here until the lease is up If things don't change I'm out!”

To Shane’s credit, he orchestrated a meeting for us with both our parents and his staff coordinator, Nancy at our apartment on July 17th. We talked out our issues, and what we had both done wrong, and we made a plan for moving forward. These events don't make us special, roommates fight all the time, and communication isn't something that neurodivergent people necessarily thrive at. I am super proud of us then, for trying to make this work when a lot of people just wait out their leases and move on with their lives.

Have a Greattastic day and be safe! 

J. Mitchie Ulibarri

Just so everyone is aware, I had Shane read over this installment and I told him to let me know what parts he did not like so I could change them Before I posted this!

Season 5 Who Am I? Blog 15: Come To My Office (Part 2)

 Come To My Office

Trying to coordinate anything with my “sisters” and Marshall is like herding drunk cats, super stressful, and virtually impossible. The original plan for the 4th of July weekend was for everyone to stay at my apartment, but then there wasn’t enough space for that. Then we thought, Well maybe we can get an Airbnb, but then we couldn't coordinate paying *stutters in frustration* Basically what I'm saying is that going into Kid’s graduation party on the 2nd, I didn't know what the plan was for the rest of the weekend.

I walked into the party fashionably late, and they were already a bunch of people there. There were the obvious people, the Andersons, Marshall, James, my parents, and then extended family, and family friends. Along with them were a few neighbors, Caden, and Arden’s best friend Jane, who recently got engaged!

I don't know who said it, but somebody suggested that we go out that night after the party. At first, we couldn't decide on an 18+ bar for Kid. When we did everyone said they were a little drained from the party, so they decided to take a quick nap, and after an hour when I returned, they said they just wanted to stay in and watch a movie. I was kind of mad. Not just about not going out, but because of the distance, and everyone's inability to plan, we never do anything anymore, and I felt like the girls were starting to outgrow me. Everyone could tell I was a bit off and Arden asked, “What's wrong?”

“We're not going to talk about this now,” I replied.

“Why?” she asked.

“Because it's the 4th of July and I don't want to cause any drama,” I answered.

“Mitchie,” She said, “You have two days before the 4th it's totally fine, come to my office.”

Arden lead me into the TV room and we started talking. It was obviously a lot more messy than I can depict in this installment with the time that we have, but here's the gist. While the girls were the catalyst from me being upset here, it goes a lot deeper than that. I feel like everyone's outgrowing me. I'm just not doing as much as everyone else or as much as I used to. Ryan’s moving to Chicago next week, Arden got her pilot's license a few months ago like I said Jane's engaged, and my “brother” Greg just celebrated his one-year wedding anniversary with Temi. Again it's a lot of other things too, but that's what is important.

When I mentioned Jane's engagement and Greg’s anniversary, Arden made the connection. “Do you think this is just leftover anxiety from the breakup?” she asked. I had been compartmentalizing, but as soon as she said it I put everything together. Gabby was my fifth girlfriend. The first three were Middle/High School relationships so none of them were super serious, and number four and I didn't have a typical breakup, as it devolved into a full courtroom drama! What I'm saying is this current breakup is my first “proper” one with a serious girlfriend and that emotional bombshell has unearthed some deep-seated insecurities. I guess that's good though since my goal for this season is to find out who I am or at the very least make myself a little closer to who I want to be, so I think God gave me this break up to help me discover that a little bit more.

In closing, we actually ended up having a completely drama-free Fourth of July and we all drove to Cincinnati. We went to the Ohio River and watched fireworks that were launched in Kentucky. It was the most surreal thing, because it wasn't a firework show, so much as a bunch of random people firing them off for miles and miles, across the state line!

Have a Greattastic Day and be Safe!

J. Mitchie Ulibarri

Season 5 Who Am I? Blog 14: Give Me Fireworks Or Give Me Death! (Part 1)

 Give Me Fireworks Or Give Me Death!

In downtown Columbus, there is a place called COSI (Center of Science Industry). Every year on July 3rd (Pre-Covid), at 10 p.m, fireworks are launched from a spot near COSI, in an event that is called Red, White, & Boom! My parent’s art studio, Kobolt, is about a mile away from COSI and every year, we have a party there and we watch the fireworks from the roof. In 2020 I wrote an installment called, “Kobolt's Red White & Boom Party!” I wrote that because as a result of Covid, Red, White and Boom was not happening and I was mad about it!

Now my friend Noah and I met in the Fall of 2019 and that obviously means that 2020 was the first Fourth of July that we knew each other. We were hanging out around that time with some of his friends and we started to reminisce about the fourth of Julys of our past. “Fireworks are my favorite!” Noah exclaimed. “They’re the only things I can see and enjoy!” I told him right then and there that he was invited to Kobolt’s next Red, White & Boom Party! This year Red, White & Boom was moved from the 3rd to the 1st.

Now my “sisters,” Marshall, and Aspen’s boyfriend, James were all planning to come into town for Kid’s graduation party and the 4th. August and Arden planned to fly into Cincinnati in the afternoon on the 1st and then they would come down to Kobolt with Marshall and James would come the next day. However, unfortunately, Arden misread the flight when she bought the tickets, and instead of arriving in Columbus in the afternoon they actually flew out of Denver then. Because the older two would not make it to Red, White & Boom, I was not mentally prepared for the younger two to come either.

People started arriving around 6:30. Most of the people who came were family friends, though it wasn't as many people as there have been in the past. I spend most of my night hanging out with Noah and Lori, though at about 8:15 Aspen, Kid, and her friend Caden showed up so I would occasionally pop over and see them.

At 9:30 Dad started taking people up to the roof on a scissor lift, and Noah, Lori, and I went up to find a spot that would be best for Noah. There were some technical difficulties with the fireworks so it didn't start until 10:15, but we had some drinks and were munching on the kettle corn that Lori made. Because we were having such a good time and he knows me very well Noah asked if I was going to do an installment about Red, White & Boom. I told him yes, and filled Lori in on how much I had missed the event over the last two years. Lori told me I should call the installment, “Give Me Fireworks Or Give Me Death!” and I thought that was really clever so I obviously did! Despite how fun the night was, however, I did have one problem.

Almost every year since 2015, something really dramatic has happened to my “sisters” and I on the 4th of July, and it always brings everyone down. Last year was in fact the first year that we were all together and nothing happened. During the firework show, I left Noah and Lori to go check on, Aspen, Kid, and Caden. When I returned, Lori said, “We appreciate you spending so much time with us!”

Noah put it a little more bluntly, “Mitch, if you need to go hang out with them it's totally fine by us!”

I declined their offer for a few reasons. 1. Goes without saying, but I obviously wanted to spend time with Noah and Lori. 2. I knew that the girls understood because Caden was their guest just as Noah and Lori were mine. 3. As I said earlier, I was not mentally prepared to see them that night. Not that I didn't want to, but ever since my trip to Norris Lake, I've been feeling a little down. And yes I did plan on telling them… but I had decided not to say anything over the weekend for fear of the return of our 4th of July curse.

To be continued…

Season 5 Who Am I? Blog 13: Swimmer's Ear

 Swimmer's Ear

Growing up, I was notorious for getting ear infections. I probably had one every couple of months and it got so bad that I needed to get tubes put in 3 times. In 2019, my immediate family and my cousins’ family, the Mitreys (Aunt Melissa, Uncle Andy, Alex/his girlfriend Emma, Maci, Nicholas, and Ellie) Went on a vacation to Hatteras, North Carolina. At one point Ryan, Nicholas, Josh, and I had a chicken fight. Nicholas and I were the tops and as we were roughhousing, Nicholas grabbed my head and slammed it into the water, right ear first. Ever since then I've been having complications with my right ear whenever I go into the water.

Last Summer, when I was in Colorado for the 4th of July, the Mitreys and my family went to Norris Lake in Tennessee. Since then the Mitreys bought a house on Norris Lake. I have to go back to work at New Story in mid-July, for the summer school program. On top of that Luke had a ton of grad parties to go and with my parent’s business, Kobolt, it was just logistically impossible for us to get down to Florida this year. Luckily the week of June 12th, the lake house was not being rented out and the Mitreys asked us if we wanted to go with them.

When we got to the lake house, we said hi to the Mitreys (minus Alex cuz he is in Chicago for the summer with Emma), their dog, Daisy, our Aunt Cyndi, and her fiance Jeremy. When we unpacked the car, we got our bathing suits, put on sunscreen, I put my ear plug in, and we went to the dock.

There was a Pontoon and a speed boat parked at the dock and because of how many people we had we took both boats. We got to a little cove and started swimming and after 30 minutes Dad, my brothers, Nicholas and Uncle Andy got on the speedboat and started tubing. When they returned I called out, “Hey, can I tube?”

Uncle Andy and Dad told me to get on the tube and Aunt Cindy decided to also come along. When she was in the boat I gave the thumbs-up and Uncle Andy sped off. I had forgotten how much I love tubing, the wind whipping through my hair and the speed when I hit waves, made me feel like I was flying! Unfortunately for me, at one point all the breaking waves pulled my swim shorts down to my ankles too fast for me to stop it. As if on cue I noticed another boat passing us. To save my dignity, I let go of the tube, but a wave broke on the right side of my head. I immediately felt the water rush into and clog up my ear, despite the plug.

This put a damper (pun intended) on the trip. I got an ear infection and in fact, this last week (the week of June 26th) was the first time that I've been able to hear anything out of my right ear, since the incident. On top of that, over my trip, I, unfortunately, had to break up with my girlfriend Gabby. I'm not going to go into too many details because I still respect her, but basically, it just wasn't working out and it was taking a toll on my mental health.

Both of these situations obviously suck. I mean breaking up with someone over the phone isn't ideal, and I hate that I had to do it, and to quote Dad, “Ear infections are the most uncomfortable (non-life-threatening) illness a person can experience.” While I was definitely a lot less social than I would usually be as a result of these things, I still tried to make an effort to enjoy the trip, and just the act of trying made it a little bit better. Life doesn't wait for you even if you're uncomfortable, so enjoy the good where you can find it!

Have a Greattastic and be safe! 

J. Mitchie Ulibarri