Season 5 Who Am I? Blog 21: Sam's Fans Returns And So Do I

  Sam's Fans Returns And So Do I

As you might recall growing up my best friend was a girl named Samantha McCarthy, but I call her S.M. Unfortunately, she had a disease called Fanconi Anemia and she died on October 15, 2009, after a year or so in and out of the hospital. While she was in the hospital, the only thing that really kept her going was music therapy. So in 2014, her mom Nikki started a nonprofit that supports music and art therapy in Ohio hospitals, called Sam’s Fans.

The Hills market is a local grocery store that has two locations. I’ve never been to the downtown location, but the location I have been to has an outside patio with a little bar on it. Each Wednesday (I think… don’t quote me on how often it happens) that Hills market location has a charity happy hour benefiting a different nonprofit each time, and every September Sam’s Fans gets a night. The event goes from 6-8.

Last Wednesday, September 21, was the night of the charity happy hour. I got off work at 4:00, went to the store to get a few things, got to my apartment and I changed out of my long pants into shorts. After that, I wrote a little bit and finished getting ready.

I got to the Hills market at 6:10-ish. Nikki, her best friend since high school, Mandy, their friend and colleague, Allie, and Averi, the Sam's Fans social media director, were behind the bar serving. “Hey, Mitchell!” Nikki said when she saw me. I greeted her and the others and reached into my pocket to grab my wallet, but it wasn’t there!

I panic padded myself down and I still didn’t feel it. I knew that I had had it at Kroger, so I guessed that it had to be at my apartment. I ran back to my car, and raced back home! After looking everywhere else, I ran to my room and saw the pants that I had been wearing earlier in my laundry basket. I laughed at myself and reached into its pocket and sure enough, there was my wallet.

When I returned to the Hills market I realized that I hadn’t told anyone what was going on, so from everyone else’s perspective, I just vanished causing a slightly dramatic return. While I only had about an hour left of the event when I got back, I realized that my return to Sam's Fans in this installment is exactly what I’m doing in this series as a whole. 

I am very aware I haven’t talked about S.M./Sam’s Fans as much as I did back in Season 1 and 2. My plan was that I would have a guest blogger/podcaster each year on her birthday. I also had a plan for how I was going to depict Sam’s Fans from the beginning of this series all the way to a big event that is happening next March! While covid caused complications for both of these plans, this big event is still happening. In preparation, I am marking this installment as a return to form for my writings about Sam’s Fans!

Have a Greattastic day and be safe!

J. Mitchie Ulibarri

Season 5 Who Am I? Blog 20: A Wedding In Wooster

A Wedding In Wooster 

On the same day in 2019 that I was interviewed for the after-school program at New Story (formally known as Haugland Learning Center), in another office someone else was being interviewed, let’s call her Savannah. Savannah was originally hired as a teacher support (the same job that I have in the present day). Basically, she ran around the school and made sure that all the kids and teachers had what they needed. I’m pretty sure I saw her leaving the school a couple of times, and she remembers seeing me at a hockey game that all staff attended, but other than that we had no real interaction.

When Covid hit, Savannah was promoted to teacher and she taught online until we returned to in-person for the summer school program before the 2021-2022 school year. It was at this point that Savannah and I finally met each other for the first time.

Savannah is incredibly empathetic. She’s literally always there when you need her! In fact, Savannah, along with our coworker Lucy, and her girlfriend (who also used to work with us) Clo, helped me through some personal stuff that was going on last year. She is also an amazing teacher. For the sake of student privacy, I can’t really give any examples but every student that works with her loves her.

Very early on in our friendship, I learned that Savannah was engaged. While the wedding was about a year away at that time, she had gotten engaged in 2020. Despite the pandemic interfering with the wedding, I assumed that she had at least solidified the guest list.

One day in March of this year, I was sitting in Savannah’s room after school.  “Hey,” she asked, “would you like to come to my wedding?”

“Of course!” I said completely shocked. Soon after this Savannah would also invite Clo and Lucy and the three of us decided to carpool. Last Saturday, September 10th, I drove to Clo and Lucy’s apartment at 10 a.m. After they finished getting ready, we packed up my car and I drove to Wooster, Ohio, which is about an hour and a half away from Columbus.

The wedding was outside of a greenhouse and the reception was inside. The wedding party processed in and when it was just Savannah and her soon-to-be husband Liam standing in front of everyone, his dad who was officiating, started talking about their impressive 10-year-long relationship! When they got to their vows… I was very glad that I was wearing sunglasses because on the outside I could look completely composed, but I may or may not have cried a little bit.

The reception was really fun! Clo, Lucy, and I mingled with Savannah and Liam‘s friends and family, and we all decided that we should lightly harass the bride and groom later to host a group hang out. While it was an amazing night, it was a little weird for me. This was the first wedding that I’ve been to that I wasn’t in or wasn’t a family member's. I’m not saying I didn’t enjoy not having responsibilities, but every once in a while I would panic because I felt like I should be doing something other than partying. After I would have a little panic, I would feel a bit socially awkward and out of place for a second.

It’s going to sound really backward, but my socially awkward moments made me feel more secure. Savannah has known me for a year now and so she knows how weird I can get sometimes. So when I would feel out of place I understood that I was wrong since I knew that she knew that it could happen and she invited me anyway!

Congratulations Savannah and Liam! wishing you luck on your Greattastic Life together! 

J. Mitchie Ulibarri 

 

Season 5 Who Am I? Blog 19: Mitchmas (25): The Mitchell Project (Part 2)

 Mitchmas (25): The Mitchell Project (Part 2)

My 25th birthday was just last week and for a long time, my birthday has been referred to as Mitchmas! The weekend that Lauren’s other guy was in town, was the week before Mitchmas. That same weekend, My “sisters” started their week-long family vacation. Since Mitchmas fell on a Friday and their vacation ended that same day, my “sisters”, (minus Kid) Marshall, James, and I planned to go out after my family dinner.

After I drove home from work, I drove to Noah’s apartment (which is about a block away from mine and Shane’s) and we waited for Lori to arrive. Once she did, we hung out for a while, and then we left to meet my family for dinner at Buca di Beppo. When we arrived I learned that my childhood neighbors Stephen, Robin, and their daughter Megan were coming too!

After dinner we went to my parent’s house, the girls, Marshall and James showed up, I opened presents and we had some cake. By the time we had actually gone out, it was around 11:30. We went to a bar called Julep first. After a few drinks, we decided to go to a club called Seesaw that August has been suggesting since 2019. On the walk there Arden asked me, “Hey Mitchie, what happened with Lauren?”

I started to catch her up on what she had missed, but I didn’t have time to finish before we got to Seesaw and it was way too loud to finish the story inside. When we left at 2 AM I continued the story and finished when we got to the car. At some point during the drive back to our parents’ houses, I said, “Well, back to the dating apps!”

The girls openly objected, but because it was so late and we were all kind of tired, they knew that we weren’t gonna get anywhere that night. As I depicted in “The Greattastic Adventurers: Miracle Child” my “sisters” and I spent a lot of time-fighting in our childhood. In the book, I only imply that there was a resolution to the main fight of the story. The way we resolved the issue was by making a contract that we all had to sign.

The day after Mitchmas, Marshall and I went to my “sister's” parent’s house. When we got there my “sisters” decided to defend their reasoning on why I shouldn’t go back on to dating apps. They looked up, “what happens to the male body after turning 25!” The girls were poking at my ego… Not to be cruel, but to prove a point.

I tend to base my self-worth on the people around me. Basically, when people are around I’m the most confident person in the room, but when it’s just me, I tend to focus on all the negative things about me. While my goal for the season is to figure out who I am, the point that the girls were making was that I’ve been looking for it in all the wrong places. From the very beginning of this season, I threw myself into a relationship with Gabby in an attempt to find out who I am based on that relationship and after that ended I tried to do the same with Lauren.

After thinking about it a little more I realized that the girls weren’t wrong. I asked them what I should do. We decided that I should start working on myself and they would be my accountability partners. Kid sat down, and in beautiful calligraphy wrote up a contract/list of things that I should work on during my 25th year. The list reads as follows:

The Mitchell Project

1. Work out 4-5 days per week

2. Listen to podcasts

3. Set intentions/daily affirmations

4. Experiment with style

5. BE INTENTIONAL!!

6. Time management/limit screen time

Have a Greattastic day and be safe 

J. Mitchie Ulibarri

Season 5 Who Am I? Blog 18 The Other Guy (Part 1)

 The Other Guy (Part 1)

As I’ve mentioned before I broke up with my most recent girlfriend Gabby on my family's summer vacation this year (Swimmer's Ear). I have also talked about the fact that the break-up unearthed a few insecurities (Come To My Office).  While I knew I wanted to fix those insecurities, I didn't really know how. Another thing that I haven't talked about yet, but I feel is important, is my relationship with Gabby was essentially just a crush… I never fell in love with her. This makes it even more complicated because I don't know why I'm sad since I don't miss her romantically.

I know I've talked about this a lot, but my relationship before the one with Gabby, ended with me getting a restraining order. Well, she and I broke up on August 5th of last year. At the end of July with the anniversary of that break-up, the stalking, and all of the other trauma I experienced coming up, I got really upset. That fused with my insecurities about the Gabby situation and caused me to spiral. I decided that the best way to cope with the spiral was to get back on the dating apps (cuz that's healthy).

Almost immediately, I matched with a girl named Lauren. I asked Lauren what her favorite kind of music was, and she said that alternative rock was one of them. I told her that my brother is in a fairly successful alt-rock band. She asked for the band’s name, I told her Cousin Simple, and this led to the reveal that Lauren's sister almost went to prom with Ryan! We continued messaging and I found out that she knows a ton of people that I know from grade school cuz she went to high school with them. I thought to myself, if she was crazy on any level, because of our mutual connections I would have at least heard about it at this point! Feeling confident and safe, I decided to ask her on a date.

On Monday, August 8th, Lauren and I met up at a restaurant. We had decided just to meet at the restaurant’s bar, get a few drinks, and get to know each other. Now I'm a bit of a lightweight and I still needed to drive home. We both finished our second drink and when the bartender came back around, Lauren asked for her third. The bartender looked at me, and I asked for a water. When Lauren asked why I was getting water, I said, “Well, with this ending soon…”

“Awww, you want this to end soon?” she interrupted.

“I mean no,” I replied, “but I need to start coming down so I can drive home without dying!”

The more alcohol that I consume, the more autistic I get because I'm not as worried about masking my autism (not that I worry about it a lot anyway). So when I said, “I need to start coming down so I can drive home without dying!” I was a little more jumpy than I had been before.

“You were a little far away when you said that…” she said.

I looked at her and said, “Do you want me to come closer?”

After we kissed, we both felt a little more confident, so we started talking a bit more openly. During this time she asked me if I was seeing anyone else. “No,” I replied, “are you?” There was in fact another guy. I wasn't uncomfortable with that as dating around is normal… The issue was this guy lives in Pittsburgh and because they had never met before he was coming to Columbus on Wednesday and staying until Sunday. Lauren said that it was between me and this guy and she would choose the next week.

I met up with her one more time before she met this other guy and we texted sporadically, while they were hanging out. I kind of got the feeling that she was leading me on. They ended up having a fight in the middle of the weekend so he left early. Despite that, however, my suspicions were confirmed when she told me the next week that she was not interested in a relationship with me. Now obviously Lauren doesn't owe me a relationship, but I was upset that she didn't come out and say that she wasn't interested earlier, since it was so obvious. I'm not saying any of this to attack Lauren, she's actually a really nice person and I could see us being friends. The only reason I bring any of this up is so you understand how I was feeling leading into my birthday…

To be continued…

Season 5 Who Am I? Blog 17: After 2 Years

 After 2 Years

Towards the end of last school year, I returned to my High School and did some public speaking. In the installment I did about that event, I introduced you to Dr. Brooks. As a refresher, Dr. Brooks' son is one of my brother Luke's best friends, and when I started Rules for a Greattastic Life in 2019 she heard about it. She asked if I wanted to speak at her university class that teaches aspiring teachers about inclusive practices. I said yes and that started my public speaking career, as well as Dr. Brooks’ and my mentor-mentee relationship! Now, you may be asking, “If Dr. Brooks has been your mentor since you started Rules for a Greattastic Life, why are you just now introducing her 5 Seasons later?”

I spoke in her class for the first time in May of 2019 and, at the time, I did not have my driver's license, so Dr. Brooks drove me back to my parents house after my presentation. “You know,” I said to her on the drive, “I've been considering using Rules for a Greattastic Life, and any books that I write to jumpstart a public speaking career!”

Noting the positive feedback that she received from her students about my presentation and my desire to do public speaking, she later offered for me to come and speak in her class again. The summer after my first presentation, I dropped out of college, but I still wanted to be a teacher. While I would get my current job soon after, there were a couple months there where I didn’t think I would make it into education. I told Dr. Brooks about my challenges and she offered to help me update my résumé and support me with my next steps in entering the world of education.

We met up at Panera and after we had finished working Dr. Brooks asked, “Do you know what OCALICON is?” When I asked her to tell me more, she talked about how OCALI stands for the Ohio Center for Autism and Low Incidence disabilities. It is a local nonprofit organization with the mission of, “inspiring change and promoting access to opportunities for people with disabilities.” OCALICON is an annual convention sponsored by this organization with speakers to promote awareness about students with autism and low incidence disabilities. In fact, my friend Noah spoke at OCALICON in 2017 and 2018.

Dr. Brooks talked about the positive impact that my presentation had in her class and proposed that we do some research to look at how the presentation would affect the learning of students in her class. She would set this up and collected some data. Using the research we could apply to speak at OCALICON 2020. Since OCALICON happens over three days, the plan was that I would spend the time when I was not speaking, mingling with other attendees and presenters to get my foot in the door. I thought it was an amazing idea and agreed!

For obvious reasons, OCALICON did not happen in 2020. And, while we did not get accepted to speak for the 2021 conference I can finally say after two years we will be presenting there this fall!  The title of our presentation will be, “Using Contact-Based Interventions to Create Inclusive Learning Spaces.” We also have a grad student (who just so happens to be Noah's soccer coach, Katie) presenting with us, as well! Maybe someday, we’ll write about it, too, but I’ll let you know when and if that happens.

While I'm slightly disappointed that it's an online event, I'm very excited to even have the chance to do it! OCALICONLINE will happen November 15th through the 18th 2022. More information about the conference can be found at https://conference.ocali.org/

I don't know what day our segment will be posted yet, but I will let you know when I have that information!

Have a Greattastic day and be safe! 

J. Mitchie Ulibarri

Season 5 Who Am I? Blog 16: War Of The Roommates

 War Of The Roommates

I haven’t been entirely honest with you for a couple of reasons. Firstly, after I made such a big deal about moving out, I didn’t want to add any confusion. Secondly, and more importantly, I didn’t want to be rude.

When Shane and I first started talking about moving in together, his parents wanted to talk to mine as a result of a bad situation with his previous roommate. One of his moms called my mom, to ask/answer some questions, and set up a date for us to see the apartment. When the call came through, I sat next to Mom listening in on the conversation.

“We are going to have staff come in and help out!” Shane‘s mom explained.

My first week living there no staff came in to help. Okay, I thought, maybe they come every two weeks. Three weeks into me living there, however, staff had still not shown up.

“Hey,” I asked one night, “I was told that you have staff… do you know when they’re coming?”

“Oh, I don’t need staff,” he said, “I have you!”

I wasn't comfortable with that statement, but at the beginning of the following week, Shane proposed to his girlfriend of three years, Jessica, and I was both a musician for the proposal and the event coordinator. After the proposal had happened there was nothing to distract me, and Shane and I started having problems. I really felt like there was a lot of pressure on me, to take care of the apartment and Shane, and I felt like I didn't have any privacy.

Partially because of my ear infection/my most recent breakup, and partially because of my situation at home, I stayed with my parents when we got back from Norris Lake. I would only ever go home if I needed something, or if I needed to record a podcast. In my previous installment, I said, “The original plan for the 4th of July weekend was for everyone (my “sisters,” Marshall, and James) to stay at my apartment, but then there wasn’t enough space for that.” While that was a factor, the main reason was because Shane and I had gotten into another fight.

After we decided to go to Cincinnati for the fireworks on the 4th, I went to my apartment to pack. While I was packing, Shane got home after spending some time with Jessica's brother. As I was getting ready to leave, he and I started fighting again, and I ended it by saying, “Look, I was told that there would be staff in here before I signed the lease! I'm feeling overwhelmed and while I will be here until the lease is up If things don't change I'm out!”

To Shane’s credit, he orchestrated a meeting for us with both our parents and his staff coordinator, Nancy at our apartment on July 17th. We talked out our issues, and what we had both done wrong, and we made a plan for moving forward. These events don't make us special, roommates fight all the time, and communication isn't something that neurodivergent people necessarily thrive at. I am super proud of us then, for trying to make this work when a lot of people just wait out their leases and move on with their lives.

Have a Greattastic day and be safe! 

J. Mitchie Ulibarri

Just so everyone is aware, I had Shane read over this installment and I told him to let me know what parts he did not like so I could change them Before I posted this!

Season 5 Who Am I? Blog 15: Come To My Office (Part 2)

 Come To My Office

Trying to coordinate anything with my “sisters” and Marshall is like herding drunk cats, super stressful, and virtually impossible. The original plan for the 4th of July weekend was for everyone to stay at my apartment, but then there wasn’t enough space for that. Then we thought, Well maybe we can get an Airbnb, but then we couldn't coordinate paying *stutters in frustration* Basically what I'm saying is that going into Kid’s graduation party on the 2nd, I didn't know what the plan was for the rest of the weekend.

I walked into the party fashionably late, and they were already a bunch of people there. There were the obvious people, the Andersons, Marshall, James, my parents, and then extended family, and family friends. Along with them were a few neighbors, Caden, and Arden’s best friend Jane, who recently got engaged!

I don't know who said it, but somebody suggested that we go out that night after the party. At first, we couldn't decide on an 18+ bar for Kid. When we did everyone said they were a little drained from the party, so they decided to take a quick nap, and after an hour when I returned, they said they just wanted to stay in and watch a movie. I was kind of mad. Not just about not going out, but because of the distance, and everyone's inability to plan, we never do anything anymore, and I felt like the girls were starting to outgrow me. Everyone could tell I was a bit off and Arden asked, “What's wrong?”

“We're not going to talk about this now,” I replied.

“Why?” she asked.

“Because it's the 4th of July and I don't want to cause any drama,” I answered.

“Mitchie,” She said, “You have two days before the 4th it's totally fine, come to my office.”

Arden lead me into the TV room and we started talking. It was obviously a lot more messy than I can depict in this installment with the time that we have, but here's the gist. While the girls were the catalyst from me being upset here, it goes a lot deeper than that. I feel like everyone's outgrowing me. I'm just not doing as much as everyone else or as much as I used to. Ryan’s moving to Chicago next week, Arden got her pilot's license a few months ago like I said Jane's engaged, and my “brother” Greg just celebrated his one-year wedding anniversary with Temi. Again it's a lot of other things too, but that's what is important.

When I mentioned Jane's engagement and Greg’s anniversary, Arden made the connection. “Do you think this is just leftover anxiety from the breakup?” she asked. I had been compartmentalizing, but as soon as she said it I put everything together. Gabby was my fifth girlfriend. The first three were Middle/High School relationships so none of them were super serious, and number four and I didn't have a typical breakup, as it devolved into a full courtroom drama! What I'm saying is this current breakup is my first “proper” one with a serious girlfriend and that emotional bombshell has unearthed some deep-seated insecurities. I guess that's good though since my goal for this season is to find out who I am or at the very least make myself a little closer to who I want to be, so I think God gave me this break up to help me discover that a little bit more.

In closing, we actually ended up having a completely drama-free Fourth of July and we all drove to Cincinnati. We went to the Ohio River and watched fireworks that were launched in Kentucky. It was the most surreal thing, because it wasn't a firework show, so much as a bunch of random people firing them off for miles and miles, across the state line!

Have a Greattastic Day and be Safe!

J. Mitchie Ulibarri