Mile 1
Well, it's been a couple weeks, there are a few reasons for the lack of content. 1). As I’ve mentioned a few times I'm working on a top-secret writing project, and I've been spending a lot of time on that. 2). Last weekend was Father's Day, and even though I could have really had this installment in its blog form at that point, I record the podcasts on Sundays, and because it was Father's Day I would not have had time to do that. 3). The obvious one, COVID-19… not a lot is happening in my life right now so there's not a lot to write about. 4). But the big reason I did not write this installment earlier is that I was arguing with myself about if I should even post it. In the end, I decided to include this because it is relevant to the whole making friends story that I'm trying to complete this season. What's the point of having a personal blog/podcast If I’m not open about all of my feelings?
A little over a year ago, while I was studying for finals, I woke up with incredible back pain- Like I legitimately thought it was dying. Mom told me to take a hot shower and that stopped the pain until I turned the water off to get out of the shower, then it came back 10 times worse, to the point where I couldn't even stand up. As Mom was helping me out of the shower she realized that I probably needed to go to the doctor. I was diagnosed with scoliosis and two of my vertebrae are fused together and that what was probably causing the pain. Side note- the scoliosis is nothing to worry about, my spine is only curved at 5 degrees and because I'm almost 23 and I'm done growing It shouldn't get worse…it's just uncomfortable sometimes.
On its own, this was a lot to deal with. Something else was going on in my life at that point. My “sisters” were moving. All the changes in my life with my “sisters” as well as my new physical ailments, started to drain my confidence away. My confidence returned once all three girls had officially moved away because Marshall and I started having our own adventures. This was the beginning of a newfound excitement in my life! Spending time with someone else who valued my companionship, this was a new chapter! Except! As it does! COVID-19 messed things up once again! Marshall moved away (temporarily…hopefully) for a job. With the full-on lockdown in place, I had no one to hang out with.
Right before Ohio closed I started going to a therapist. She was deemed an essential worker, and I continued to see her throughout the lockdown. As my confidence tapered away, she helped me realize something. I have never been good at making friends as a result of my autism, I put a high value on growing the friendships I do have. The problem is by focusing so much energy on building those friendships I lack a lot of self-worth outside of those relationships.
My therapist suggested I start working out and doing yoga, so I recently asked my “sisters” who are temporarily home for the summer, if they wanted to start running with me. They have been trying to get me to work out with them for years so of course, they agreed.
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| Me after the first run! |
On that first run I ran a mile, August ran two, and Aspen followed in her car… which was admittedly more intimidating than I anticipated. Afterwards August and I did yoga. My goal by the end of the summer is to be able to do a 5-mile run. Hopefully, in reaching that goal, I will be able to give myself a little needed confidence boost so I'm not relying on my friends solely for confidence. I’ll grow my confidence one mile at a time!
Have a Greattastic Day!
J. Mitchie Ulibarri
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