Live For Today

Live For Today

Two of my “sisters”, August and Arden, used to work at a little bakery. While there, they made a lot of friends, including two guys. Let’s call them Ricky and Marshall. These guys had been friends for a long time and they were roommates at that time.

The five of us (August, Arden, Ricky, Marshall, and myself) had many adventures together. Rock climbing, a few festivals, and a trip to Canada for my 21st birthday. Ricky, Marshall and I took classes together at Columbus State. Ricky has since moved out of state, Arden is in Colorado (duh). But from time to time August, Marshall and I hang out. 

We found out this week that Marshall had a first date with a girl last week, and because August and I both live vicariously through the relationships of others (#Thirdwheelandproud) we decided to help him plan his second.

August picked me up from Kroger on Thursday night, and we met Marshall at the top of our street. We drove around downtown Columbus trying to scope out adventurous things that they could do. 

I sat shotgun so I was in charge of the music. Throughout our whole drive, we went through the musical stylings of Taylor Swift, The Killers, Mat Kearney, Billy Joel, and a few others. It was really funny because while August and I knew most of the words to most of the songs, Marshall didn't really know them. He decided to look them up on the internet and come in mid-song, but it was slightly off-key or offbeat and I just couldn't stop laughing.

Towards the end of the night, we got a little snack and found a rooftop that we could all get on to. We just sat on the rooftop, laughed and watched as the clouds rolled on by. I looked at August, and I suddenly felt sad. I felt sad because I know what is coming in a few months. There is no changing this, it is going to happen.

August has just accepted a job out of state. She has temporarily worked out of state before, but this is a huge change. She’s graduating next month and then she’ll be gone. She will probably come back in three months, but only for a little bit. I can’t stop thinking about all of the great adventures that all of my friends and I have had together.  Should I be sad? Is this the end? These feelings are overwhelming. I think it’s time to adjust my thoughts. I’m grateful for the memories we made together! Enjoy the adventures while you can- don’t think about tomorrow, just live for today!

Have a Greattastic day 

J. Mitchie Ulibarri

Music, Art,and the Spectrum

Music, Art, and the Spectrum

There are a lot of things you wouldn’t expect when you first meet me. One of them is me being on the spectrum. High-functioning Autism isn’t a true diagnosis but is a term used to refer to people on who can generally live a normal life without much assistance. Growing up my mom just thought I was sensitive and weird for not being able to handle the feeling of denim and certain sounds. After around half a year of therapy for anxiety and depression, a lot of things started to make sense. At first, it was sensory issues, but after a few more weeks of working on it, we realized I was on the spectrum (this was in my freshman year of high school, talk about getting diagnosed just a little late). My autism just tends to show itself as anxiety, depression and obsessive tendencies.

People ask me, a lot, how I often can’t handle a full school day without going into sensory overload and freaking out, but can handle a full concert once or twice a week. I feel like that’s a big thing people don’t understand. There is commotion I can enjoy. Being shoved around in the pit at a concert is an example of that. However, a full day of listening to high schoolers scream is somehow less enjoyable. Who knew! Concerts and music have always been a big part of my life. Just listening to music can take me down from a full breakdown in seconds. General people know music has an effect on you but not how big the effect really is. Music therapy is a big help when it comes to my sensory issues, anxiety and even depression. There is only one time I didn’t enjoy a concert, and it was when I was already having a bad sensory day. I ended up having a panic attack between acts. But as soon as I headed back in everything calmed. I may be sensitive to auditory stimulation in a negative way, but that means I also am in a positive way. Music or the voice of somebody I love can calm me down in almost seconds.

Another big part of my life is art. I spend four periods a day in the art wing of my school. Living with autism, there are many things I often find hard to express. Art is such an easy way to flesh everything you’re feeling out in a healthy way. From abstract painting to sculpture to photography there’s something there for everybody. It helps to calm anxieties I have and even sensory problems I may be having. Creating something that is individual to you is such a good form of expression for anybody with issues in expression, communication or emotional regulation. Putting energy into something that is pretty much an extension of yourself helps your mental state in so many ways.

Finding ways to express things I wouldn’t otherwise be able to has been something so critical after my diagnosis. The affect of music and art in my life is something I am extremely thankful for. Much of the advice I would give to other autistic people who found out they were on the spectrum later in life is to turn to art and music. The basis of both of them is subjects that people often have issues with when on the spectrum. All the thoughts and emotions you have can be pushed into something so positive that may even help other people to express themselves as well. I’ve met so many people through these two mediums over the past year. My communication skills have increased greatly since then. Sometimes all you need is a push out of your comfort zone (which can be hard to find, especially when autistic) to change the course of your Greattastic Life.

Just My Luck!

Just My Luck!

I have been working at Kroger for almost two years now. It’s a job that has its ups and downs. Many of you who have followed me for a while know this. A month into my employment I made a friend, let's call her Lily. Lily started out as a bagger like me, but she was soon promoted to cashier.

Now, Lily and my friendship works because of another friendship that I have. As a refresher I grew up next to four girls, who I now look at as family- therefore I call them my “sisters”. Their father is the most sarcastic person I've ever met. Having hung out at his house religiously for most of my childhood and my teenage years, I have mimicked a lot of his humor. As a result, I'm really sarcastic. (I plan to write a blog about him on New Year's Eve of this year...stay tuned).

Lily is just as sarcastic as I am, except her outlook on life is slightly more negative than mine. When we are working together, we balance each other out. I would also like to point out, that she is probably the only reason I have not been fired yet. Every time I'm about to do something stupid she gives me a look, and I know to rethink my actions.

So on this last Thursday night, I came into work and the carts on both sides of the lot where empty. My boss immediately sent me out on carts and I was there all night. Lily's best friend recently started working with us as a bagger. Her friend has been trained as a cashier for the holiday season.  Lily being the good friend she is didn't want to subject her best friend to the cold of that night so they switched positions.

Lily and I worked tirelessly to try to get all the carts in, but by 9:00 we still weren't done. There are two entrances to Kroger, east and west. At 9:00 you're supposed to lock the east entrance. Because we were not done collecting carts on the east side, we just turned off the electric component of the east sliding doors and decided to open them by hand as we were finishing.

When we finally finished on the east side, we walked back into the cold and were about to head to the other side of the parking lot. This is when we heard cracking. We looked at each other, starting to panic. We slowly turned around and saw that the bottom of the door had cracks all over it.

“Well,” I said, “I think we just got fired.”

“We did not, we didn’t do anything wrong!” Lily replied rolling her eyes, “When we go back inside I'll do all the talking...cuz you're not good at talking when it comes to stuff like this.”

“Hey!” I exclaimed, trying to protest. She raised an eyebrow and I conceited. Just as we were about to walk inside the east door, a neighbor from my street walked up to us. Now she's a very loud person, that's coming from a person who is usually the loudest person in the room.

“Mitchell! she exclaimed, “What did you do?!” The second she finished her sentence the glass inside the door collapsed, as if it was so weak that just the sound of her voice destroyed it. Admittedly some of the laughter that came because of this event was nervous laughter because I was thinking we might get in trouble, but honestly, this was hilarious laughter. Sometimes you shouldn’t say, “Well that's just my luck”, you have to laugh at the ridiculousness and your situation. To all my friends, be positive!

Have a Greattastic Day!

J. Mitchie Ulibarri

All Grown Up

All Grown Up

When I was a kid, my parents got my brothers and I a set of walkie talkies. I remember using them with my brothers and some of my brother Ryan’s friends. I loved pretending we were spies. Little did I know at the time that walkie talkies, something children use at play, would eventually make me feel like such an adult.

As of the posting of this blog, it has been exactly 44 days since I got on a plane and came back to Columbus Ohio after a two-week trip visiting my “sister” in Loveland Colorado. It was really sad for me to leave, but I knew I had to come back. Not just because Ohio is my home, but also because I made my “sister” Arden a promise…and I intended to keep it.

The next day I got up, grabbed my phone, and sent out a text to a friend of mine named Kathy. I've mentioned Kathy in previous posts. She works for Haugland Learning Center (HLC), which is the school for autistic children that I attended when I was originally diagnosed. I asked when would be a good time for me to call her, and we landed on the following Monday morning.

“Hey, Mitch!” She exclaimed when the day finally arrived.

“Hey, Kathy..” I said trying to figure out where to start, “so umm, I was wondering…. I mean, do you think it would be okay… I mean do you know if you have any job openings?”

“I’m pretty sure we have an opening in the Ace program… were you ever in Ace?”

“Is that the after-school program?”

“Yes! Let me check I will get back to you later!”

Later that day she texted me again confirming that they had an opening, and after a long wait finally, yesterday came… My background check went through two days ago and my new boss, Adycen asked me if I wanted to start a day early.

I walked into HLC at 2:30 on the dot and walked right to Adycen's office. Upon my entrance, she gave me a walkie-talkie. I don't think she realized until she saw the look on my face, the weight of what she had just done. Obviously, the walkie talkies are used for communication purposes (What else would we use them for? Decoration?). But, you have to understand for four years in my school life, I watched teachers carry these things. I don't think they were ever meant as symbols of authority, but I think they accidentally became one.

“Woah!” I exclaimed clutching it in my hand. And that was the moment I realized I have grown up!

Have a Greattastic day!

J. Mitchie Ulibarri

Halloween Blog #1: Under The Mask

Halloween Blog #1:Under The Mask

When you're growing up with autism there are a lot of things you don't understand. You don't really understand how to make friends, and by extension, you don't understand why you don't have any. School, in and of itself, can be hard- typically you're really good in one subject and then you're lost and everything else. You understand you're different, but you don't understand why people look at those differences and exclude you from group activities.

When you finally start to figure out that the only answer for why people are excluding you is because you are different, you try to act like everyone else. In other words, you pretend that you are a different person. Eventually, you lose who you are.

I have always loved making up stories. Not only because I'm really good at it, but when I was younger it gave me a second escape from who I am. I can pretend that the characters I invented were me. As an extension to that, I was obsessed with television, movies, video games, etc...because it was easy for me to insert myself into those stories, I didn't have to create the story myself.

I have always loved Halloween. It was the one day of the year that I could actually physically become one of the characters that I looked up to. That, and of course, the untamable sugar addiction that all children are born with. But as I got older while I still enjoyed it, it started to feel a little unfair. Halloween is the one night of the year where everyone was wearing a mask and pretending to be someone else. For them, it was a game, but for me, it was my life.

Now, these feelings didn't ruin Halloween for me, but they definitely changed the way I looked at it. A night that I used to embrace, now was excluding me too. So if you know someone with autism, don't exclude them. Try to get to know them better. Try to look under the mask and see who they really are!

Have Greattastic Halloween 

J. Mitchie Ulibarri

Thread Of Hope (Year 5)

Thread Of Hope (Year 5)
On October 15, 2009, my best friend Sam, or as I called her, S.M. passed away, after a lifelong battle with a rare blood disorder: Fanconi Anemia. The last ten years have sucked. Yes, a lot of amazing things have happened in my personal life- My brother's band came together, and brought Ryan and myself closer together, I graduated high school, I figured out what I want to do with my life (more on that next week), I started writing this blog, I sing in the choir at church, and most notably I turned some of my biggest childhood “enemies” into people who I consider my sisters. But all that joy can feel so incomplete because she should be standing with me through everything. I can't even begin to fathom however, how much worse it is for her family.

In the wake of S.M’s death her mom, Mrs. (Nikki) McCarthy, started the nonprofit organization called Sam's Fans that raises money for music and art therapy in Ohio hospitals. Now Nikki had made friends with a woman named Miranda because their kids went to the same school. Miranda owns a fashion boutique called “Thread” with two locations in the central Ohio area. As Sams fans was just beginning, Miranda decided to help. Thread hosted a fashion show called A Thread of Hope and all the proceeds would go to Sam's Fans. 

Last Thursday was 5th Thread of Hope. I started going to this event the second year they had it, and that year I knew most of the people there. The 3rd year I lied and told myself that I knew all the people there to make myself feel better about my social skills, and last year I admitted I didn't know everyone. This year there were so many people in attendance it made me glad I'm not claustrophobic.

Nikki has given me the title of “unofficial cameraman” because I'm always taking pictures/videos at events and making little slideshows. It even got to the point that when I graduated she and her husband Mr. (Dan) McCarthy bought me a GoPro. Right before the fashion show started, Nikki and Miranda got up on stage. They introduced a music therapist named Sara who had bone cancer as a child. I crawled to the front of the stage and started to video.

Sara talked about Sara talked about her experience with music in her life, how it helped her through, how it helped her through her battle with bone cancer, how she became a music therapist, the importance of music therapy (and a brief description of how it works) and how Sam's Fans helps her do her job. At the end of her speech, she said something that I think everyone who knows Nikki has thought at one point or another: “... I just want to take this time to honor Nikki. I consider her one of my heroes because she's lived through every mother's worst nightmare and has really taken that pain, and that opportunity to channel it into growth and healing for hundreds of other families.”

I can’t put that into better words, but I can thank Nikki. She hasn't brought healing just to those families who are going through something so terrible with their own children, she's brought it to everyone who ever met her daughter. I can't tell you how many times I've talked to her about a problem that I'm having as a result of losing S.M. and she doesn't say, “Hey I’m her mom, do you think I don’t deal with pain a thousand times over every day! GET OVER YOURSELF!” Instead, she just looks at me smiles and tells me that it's going to be okay. Thank you so much, Nikki, for all that you do!

I'm going to end this blog with an exciting announcement. Over the course of the five years that Thread of Hope has been an event, they have raised half a million dollars!!!! So yeah, I'm just going to leave that there…

Have a Greattastic day!

J. Mitchie Ulibarri

The Magical Pill

The Magical Pill

Because of my autism and my friendship with her (and because she’s a driven girl), my youngest “sister” Arlo is on the autism committee at her high school. The autism committee decided to do the annual Columbus autism walk that raises money for Autism Speaks. As soon as she knew about the event, Arlo invited me and August, my other “sister”, to join in the walk with her.

As I have mentioned before my dad runs an art studio so I told him that I needed some stickers and some t-shirts made to promote my blog. The day finally came and we started on the walk. The walk itself went really well. I gave away all my stickers, had fun with some of my friends, but most importantly there was this sense of community. 

When I got home I walked into the kitchen, where mom and dad were making lunch. We got to talking and Mom asked me if I knew what I was writing about in this blog. I said I didn't really know, and my mom told me this story: 

When I first got diagnosed with autism, we did the autism walk through HLC as a family. I knew that the walk was going to raise money for autism research...I just assumed research meant a cure for my autism. I told mom this and of course, she had to explain to me that that's not what autism research means.

I don't remember telling mom that, but I remembered thinking it and wanting it to be true. I've been starting to think about a question I've been asked thousands of times. “If somebody,”  people will ask, “made a magical pill that made your autism go away instantly, would you take it?”

The first time I was asked that question, I imagined it playing out in my head (as I do with most things). A doctor giving me a pill and saying that it will get rid of my autism. What would happen if I took it? I would probably be a lot quieter of a person, it would be easier for me to make friends, I might be able to understand certain situations I couldn't otherwise. I'd be absolutely positively normal. But that's just the problem, I'd be normal. If some doctor comes up with a pill that takes autism away, I will stay as far away as possible. 

The reason I bring this up is that I didn't always feel this way. I wanted to get rid of it. I know other kids want to get rid of it too. Maybe not get rid of it, but at least be normal. If you know a kid with autism tell them that someday being different won't matter so much. They will have people who love them, and they will feel loved. No matter what is going on now, life always gets better.

Have a Greattastic day!

J. Mitchie Ulibarri