Season 4 Step 1 Blog 7: Book Rage!

 Book Rage!

Oh…MY...Gosh! It's been over a month since I last made a new installment in this series, but there is a reason! If you follow me on social media, you are undoubtedly aware that I was spending last month trying to get my book, "The Greattastic Adventures: Miracle Child," published. What a journey it has been!

The final push began in mid-February when my "sister" Arlo (Kid) started working on the front and back cover art. Now, Dad has an art studio called "Kobolt Design Studios, Inc." Once Kid had finished her part in March, I started working with one of Dad's employees to format and complete the cover. The employee’s name is Eoghan, and he was accommodating and spent a lot of time getting it to look the way I wanted it. Side note- just by sheer coincidence, Eoghan went to grade school with my other "sister," Arden, who is responsible for inspiring me to write the book in the first place!

I've been using Google Docs for all my writing, but the self-publishing website I used only had Word doc templates, and as a result, I knew I was going to need a little help. While Eoghan and I worked on the cover, my brother Josh and I worked on reformatting the manuscript. The biggest problem was we were having trouble accessing the manuscript on any other computer besides Josh's. I could open it on mine, but I couldn't see where the pages were as clearly, so I accidentally messed the entire format of the book up multiple times. A vicious cycle started to develop because when I would fix one problem, I would accidentally create another!

I guess what I'm trying to say is the last month or so has been incredibly stressful. I'm a writer- a storyteller… Formatting is not my strong suit. What made it so frustrating was that I couldn't write anything because the technical stuff was always hanging over my head. The moral of the story: Don't let anything stop you. Even if it's annoying and stressful and consumes all of your time, you will achieve all your goals if you persevere!

Have a Greattastic day and be safe!

J. Mitchie Ulibarri

The Greattastic Adventures: Miracle Child is available on Amazon now! The e-book is coming soon!

A portion of all proceeds will go to Sam's Fans.

Season 4 Step 1 Blog 6: A Rant About Love

 A Rant About Love

Before we get into this installment, I need to talk about guest bloggers/podcasters. Last year, I had my friend, Nikki, write a blog in memory of her daughter, my best friend, Samantha McCarthy (S.M.), on her 22nd birthday. At the beginning of that blog, I said that I would have a guest every year on her birthday who had/has been touched by S.M. or Sam's Fans. In case you are unaware, Sam's Fans is a non-profit founded by Nikki that supports music and art therapy for terminally ill children in Ohio hospitals. Last year S.M.'s birthday landed on the weekend that lockdown started for Covid. At the time, schools were only supposed to be closed for three weeks, so I thought things would be okay within a month, two months maximum… Oops. As a result of things still being up in the air, I decided not to get a guest blogger this year because it would be nearly impossible to get the podcast version recorded. I decided to take the opportunity to write something that I don't know when I would write it otherwise.

The story of my grief started at S.M.'s funeral. After that, I lost three other peers under similar circumstances, and miraculously I ended up coping with all of the loss and trauma through Sam's Fans. I guess what I'm trying to say is I'm done grieving. Now, I understand that grief technically never ends, but I have gotten to the point in my life where emotionally, I am as okay with the situation as I'm ever going to be on a good day. Or almost as okay as I'm ever going to be because there still is one thing that I can not accept.

I met S.M. when I was in kindergarten, and by the end of third grade, I was absolutely in love with her. I know I have said that I loved her before, but for people who don't know me, I don't know if I've been clear enough about what I mean by that. We say "I love you" to so many different people, and in terms of friends and best friends, it doesn't mean the same thing as if you were saying it to someone you are attracted to. Yes, I call S.M. my best friend because that was the relationship we achieved, not because we were just best friends.

I'm having a problem with this because I have told S.M.'s story to so many people in my everyday life. When I tell them that I loved her, I'm usually met with the same expression. I can't describe exactly how the face changes, but I can tell you precisely what they're thinking: "Okay… sure this girl was your best friend and you definitely had a crush on her, but saying you were in love with her is just you romanticizing that crush because she is gone."

It doesn't bother me that people don't believe me. I honestly don't care; I know I'm telling the truth about how I felt. What bugs me is when people cut into the story and verbally say what they're thinking because it feels like they're trying to change the story to fit what they're comfortable with, and then I have to fight to keep the story intact. And the worst part is I don't think people know that they're doing it… It's just kind of something that happens on instinct.

S.M. was by far the kindest person I have ever met. She stood by me when I was getting bullied before I was diagnosed with autism, and she would help me get through my "autism meltdowns" when I had them...even though the crap she was going through was much more severe and traumatic than anything I have personally faced. And don't even get me started on her sense of humor, okay? I tend to stay away from writing or talking about it because it's just so hard to explain, but she was just so innocent and goofy it was the perfect mixture, even that isn't a good description of it. She was all of this and so much more for so many people. I'm not going to change the way I tell the story because some people don't understand it, but I'm also not going to sacrifice the rest of the story because I'm defending my feelings. She deserves that, at least! I guess that's why I'm writing this installment, really to hold me to the mark a little better!

Have a Greattastic Day and Safe

J. Mitchie Ulibarri

You can find more information about Sam's Fans at www.samsfans.org or by following them on Instagram, Facebook, and Twitter @samsfans15! Also If you are reading this on March 15th, Every year to celebrate S.M’s birthday, We all eat ice cream (her favorite dessert) and post it to social media with the hashtag ice cream with Sam. Please join the celebration!

Season 4 Step 1 Blog 5: Can You Please Teach Me How To Dance?

 Can You Please Teach Me How To Dance?

I have talked about my cousin Austin from Orlando, Florida, before. He went to college here in Ohio, and after he graduated, he moved to Columbus for a job. I have not talked about Austin's sister, Paige. Paige has been in a serious relationship with a guy, who's name ironically is also Austin. I spent Valentine's Day 2021 with my "sisters" Aspen and Kid. That weekend was when the previous installment, "Groomsman," about my friend Greg asking me to be in his wedding came out. I worked the next morning, so I wanted to upload the podcast version of "Groomsman" that night, so I didn't have to do any work in the morning. As I was preparing to upload it, I got a text from Mom informing me that Paige had gotten engaged!

The following weekend Aspen, Marshall, and I drove to Pittsburgh to visit my other "sister," August. We left Friday night at 10:20, shortly after Aspen got off work. We arrived at August's house at 2:18 a.m., and after 30 minutes, we were all asleep. Aspen and I ended up sleeping in August's roommate's room because she was not there. When I woke up at 11:30 on my air mattress next to the bed, I lay there for as long as possible until I had to get up because I did not want to wake her up. As I stood up, the floor creaked, and Aspen sat up in the bed.

After everyone else woke up, we ate a late breakfast and headed out to explore Pittsburgh. First, we ended up at a shop called "Global Market Retail." It had cool stuff from all around the world, including a flute from India, which I decided to buy so I have another instrument I can learn how to play. After that, we went to a place called "Dobra," which is a tea house. I usually don't like tea, but I tried their chai tea, and it was amazing! As we sat and drank our tea August told us that she had invited her neighbor, Corrine, up for drinks later that night. When we got back to August's place, we turned on music, made mojitos, and August texted Corrine to come up.

When Corrine came in, August introduced us all, and we all sat down and started talking. Corrine sat right next to me, and as we spoke, the light in the room reflected off her hand and caught my eye. I realized that she was wearing an engagement ring, which reminded me of Paige's engagement and Greg's imminent wedding.

Eventually, a good song came on, and we started dancing. I'm not the world's best dancer, but I'm certainly not the worst. However, whenever Aspen is in the room, I try to copy her because she is the best dancer in our group. As I attempted to mimic her every move, I started thinking about how there's no way I'm going to survive dancing at these weddings without her.

"Hey," I said, "I know I've asked you this before, but can you teach me how to dance? I'm going to be a trainwreck at the weddings."

"Yeah," Aspen replied, "You know you're going to have to dance with one of the Bridesmaids right?"

"I'm sorry, what now?" I asked.

"Yeah, you'll walk her down the aisle, and at the reception, you'll do a dance together!" Aspen explained.

"Hhhhow did I not know about that?"

The girls laughed at my confusion, and then Aspen started giving me some tips. She told me that I tried to make it too much of a show (which admittedly is in character), and I need to be a little more subtle. Over the last week, I've practiced a little bit, and I've seen a considerable improvement! I'll be ready for Greg's wedding in June…

Have A Greattastic Day and Be Safe!

J. Mitchie Ulibarri

Season 4 Step 1 Blog 4: Groomsman

 Groomsman

I have talked about my brothers, Ryan, Luke, and Josh, and childhood neighbors, August, Arden, Aspen, and Arlo (Kid) Anderson, who have become my "sisters." However, I have not talked about my other neighbor, who I think of as a sibling. Let's call him Greg.

The Anderson's are my neighbors to the right, while Greg was my neighbor to the left. I first met Greg at our yearly summer block party on our street in first grade. It wouldn't be until a few days later that I would figure out that he lived directly next door to me and not elsewhere on the street. We were friends during our grade school years, but I think it's safe to say we didn't hit our stride until our middle school years. Throughout our friendship, Greg introduced me to Star Wars, The Marvel Cinematic Universe (for those unaware, those are the Avengers movies), Lord of the Rings, Super Mario, The Legend of Zelda…basically he unlocked my inner nerd!

When Greg graduated high school, he was accepted to Cornell University in New York, and while he was there, he met a girl. I have met his then-girlfriend a couple of times. She made an excellent impression because she's an incredible person. Still, on top of that, I can tell that he is incredibly happy! I have known for a while that they were thinking about getting engaged, but it took some time.

Back in September 2020, my friend Marshall and I were at my house. He was studying, and I was writing. I had a bad case of writer's block, so I whipped my phone out and started scrolling through Facebook. It didn't take me long to find the post that officially announced that Greg was engaged! I waited for Marshall to go home, and then I called Greg to congratulate him. We talked for about 15 minutes, and I asked him what he was coming back into town. He said he was coming back on the 14th of December to visit his dad for Christmas.

On Thanksgiving, I texted Greg to wish him a happy holiday and ask him if things were still on for the 14th. He told me things were still on for the 14th, but he was also coming into town that the following week for a few days. He also told me that he had something to ask me. I knew his question probably had something to do with the wedding. Still, I was annoyed that I had to wait the entire weekend before I got confirmation.

The following Monday, Greg decided to pick me up and not have me drive anywhere to meet him because it was snowy and I hadn't driven in the snow yet. When he picked me up, we landed on going to Panera. We got inside, ordered our food, and sat down. We talked and caught up for about an hour before he asked, "So, do you want to be a groomsman in my wedding?"

"Uh, Yeah!!!" I responded excitedly.

I'm so excited about this wedding for a couple of reasons. Number one, this is the first wedding of one of my friends and the first wedding I'm going to be in (outside of when I was little)! Second of all, I don't expect 2021 to bring its "A-game"; I just want some positive trends. A wedding is a pretty positive thing, don't you think?

Have a Greattastic Day and Be Safe!

J. Mitchie Ulibarri

Season 4 Step 1 Blog 3: Death Sentence

 Death Sentence

From my experience, I can tell you that growing up with autism and not being diagnosed can cause many problems. Peers of an undiagnosed child with autism think the child is weird for the sake of being weird. There is no way to tell other children, "Hey, I'm not weird, I just have this thing, I don't understand social norms the way you do. Stop bullying me!"

However, the part that I think can be far more damaging in the long-term is the diagnosis itself. I believe an Autism diagnosis has the potential to be a death sentence. To explain that, I have to explain how the autism spectrum works. People think that it is one line that goes from one end to another. At one end are the "high" functioning people, and on the other end are the "low" functioning people. People get wrong about the spectrum because it is not supposed to chart how autistic a person is; instead, it shows us how autistic specific characteristics are. In other words, I am not on the spectrum I have characteristics that are.

The problem is people who are low functioning are frankly easier to spot in everyday life. In general, people act like the term low functioning means "low functioning in life," not "person with low-functioning autistic traits." On top of that, most high functioning people are depicted in pop culture as super-geniuses. So as an autistic person, no matter when you're diagnosed, your people will only see you as someone who can't take care of themselves or Sheldon Cooper.

In my case, I was diagnosed right before 7th grade. Before that, I got bullied, and it was traumatic, but at least adults thought I was cute. When you are a kid, there is no pressure on what you need to do with your life. Yeah, I was a little weird, but it was way more endearing because it was a phase. As soon as it was no longer a phase, people started treating me like I probably wouldn't be successful because I was obviously no super genius. I would probably never have a job, probably never get married, or have kids. Any friends I had would probably leave, and I would likely end up living with my parents for the rest of their lives, and then I would die alone.

I know for a fact that people didn't intend for me to feel like this is how they felt about me, but it was the vibe I was getting, intentional or not. I don't want to speak for anyone else, but I'm not the only autistic person who has experienced this, from what I can tell.

I don't want to spend my life acting like I can't do anything because of my autism. I want to go out there and make something for myself and prove to people I can do it! Step one in my plan for how to do that is to move out of my parents' house. In preparation, I have already taken on more hours at the Kroger grocery store where I work. I am tentatively planning to move out of my parents' house in the fall or failing that early 2022.

Have a Greattastic day and be safe!

J. Mitchie Ulibarri

Season 4 Step 1 Blog 2: Social Grace

Social Grace

A little over a year ago, I helped a blind man named Noah around the Kroger grocery store where I work. When we had finished shopping, he asked for my Facebook information, and we started hanging out shortly after that. I learned that he was a musician, and we started playing music together.

On the week of Christmas, I planned to go to Noah's house to practice a new song. Unfortunately, because everyone in my family (except me) got Covid that week, I couldn't see Noah until the 17th of January because he had to work out of town. Since the last time you, the audience, heard about Noah, a couple of things have changed. The first thing is Noah moved into a bigger apartment. It's a nice place, and there is a lot more room for us to goof around while we're practicing. The second thing is Noah started dating a girl named Lori.

I stopped hanging out with Noah for a little bit as he moved into his new apartment because too much was going on. The first time we hung out again, we had lunch, and Lori dropped him off at the restaurant. I don't count that as actually meeting her because the only thing we did was introduce ourselves. On the 17th, while we were practicing, I asked Noah when I was officially going to meet Lori. Later in the week, I got a voice memo from Noah explaining that Lori would be in town the next weekend, and we could go out to dinner on Saturday.

Lori and Noah picked me up because the Northstar restaurant we were going to was right up the street from my house, so they were already in the area. Around 6:00, Luke and Josh saw Noah and Lori on our doorbell camera, and they told me that they were here. Lori started driving us up the street, and then I realized I had forgotten my mask, so we had to go back to my house.

We finally arrived at Northstar, and after we placed our orders and sat down, I realized a sobering truth. Throughout my entire life, I have had trouble holding conversations with people I don't know, I attribute this to my autism. It hasn't been as much of a problem in my adult life because I'd built up social grace over my 22 and 1/2 years before Covid. Unfortunately, nearly a year into this thing, all of that social grace is gone! Now, this is not to say I was uncomfortable talking to Lori. On the contrary, she is the kind of person I would be friends with even if she weren't dating one of my established friends, and I can tell she's a perfect fit for Noah. It was a lot harder for me to talk to her than it should have been, and it blindsided me.

I'm just so glad that Noah was with me when I happened to come to this realization. Whenever the conversation would lag, Noah didn't let it get awkward. Instead, he would steer the conversation in a direction where he knew I could stand on my own, and the night went smoothly from then on.

Have a Greattastic day and be safe!

J. Mitchie Ulibarri

Season 4 Step 1 Blog 1: Cousin Simple Returns

 Cousin Simple Returns

As I've mentioned a few times, my brother Ryan is the lead guitarist in the band Cousin Simple. On February 29th, 2020, Ryan and his bandmates, Will (Frontman), Mitch (Pianist/Ukulele), and Joel (drummer) played their 100th show. Mom's college roommate was coming into town for the show. Shannon, and her husband, Tim, got to my house on Meadow Park Drive, at about 5:30.

Fifteen minutes later, my parents, Shannon and Tim, my other brothers Luke and Josh, and I drove to a pizza place in downtown Columbus. At the pizza place, we met up with Will's parents, Mitch's parents, a few people from Mom's side of the family, as well as Mom and Dad's college best friends, Ron and Anita Wallace. We ate dinner and talked until 8:00, an hour and a half before Cousin Simple was scheduled to play.

We walked into the A&R bar where Cousin Simple was playing and went to the very back and I put my coat behind the merch table. Mitch's sister, Tessa, and his cousin, Rachel, were running the merch table. I talked to them for a few minutes before my friend Marshall texted me and told me he was at the door because I had his ticket. I ran to the door, got Marshall in, and introduced him to the members of my family and friends that he had not met yet. After another hour, I got a text from a friend from grade school named Anna, who told me that she had arrived with her parents, and a friend.

Another friend joined our group, and we spent the next 30 minutes working our way through the crowd of fans to get as close to the stage as possible. At 9:29, I saw Luke and Josh on the stage where they put the last few things into position, and the band slowly walked on. Will's sister Helen turned on the lights, and the boys started playing.

Over the next hour, Cousin Simple played original songs such as "Song to Emma," "Strangers," "Honeybee," "Star Destroyers," and many others. The crowd danced to the music the whole time, mirroring the boys' energy on stage. A week later, on March 7th, Marshall, and I flew to Colorado to surprise my "sisters." immediately when we returned to Ohio, the governor shut down schools because of COVID-19. In other words, the last thing I did in my home state pre-covid (besides work) was go to that Cousin Simple show.

Cousin Simple did a few things over the quarantine. I orchestrated a zoom concert with Will and Sam's Fans in late April. The entire band did an Instagram live through WNCI, a local radio station, in support of the class of 2020. Lastly, the boys wrote new music and Joel left the band.

As I stated in the Christmas special, on the week of Christmas, everyone in my family except for myself, tested positive for Covid-19. I ended up in the attic, where I Isolated from my family.

At midnight on January 8th, 2021, Cousin Simple released their newest song, "We Know." As I listened to the song from the attic, I got excited! Suddenly the last big thing that happened for Cousin Simple didn't happen at the end of February; it was happening now, and I had to take that as a good sign! It's no secret that 2020 wasn't the best year, and I'm not expecting 2021 to bring its "A” game. The only thing I want from 2021 is to see some positive trends, and I genuinely believe that this is the start of one!

Have a Greattastic day and be safe!

J. Mitchie Ulibarri

You can listen to “We Know” and all of Cousin Simple’s other songs on Spotify or wherever you listen to your music. You can find them on social media as Cousin Simple on Facebook, Instagram, and @cousinsimple_ on Twitter!